Frank Gore

Frank Gore spurns Philadelphia: I won’t play in same city as the Mütter Museum

Frank Gore, apparently looking to see if any skeletons are nearby.

Frank Gore, apparently looking to see if any skeletons are nearby.

Philadelphia, PA – Despite news coming out of the weekend that free agent Frank Gore would sign a three year deal to play for the Philadelphia Eagles, reports started to leak onto the internet yesterday that the running back was hesitating about his decision and was now leaning towards playing for Indianapolis.

Gore confirmed those hesitancies after taking a call with CT reporters. The 31-year-old running back told the CT that he would never play in the same city as that “scary ass museum” and it would “give me nightmares for years knowing it was there.”

“Nah man, I’m not playing in that city with that weird mummy museum, no way. Frank’s no dummy. You’re telling me those skeletons don’t come alive at night and roam the streets of Philadelphia? I’ve seen those Night at the Museum movies, I know what goes on in those places.”

When asked how that would be possible, Gore reportedly said “skeleton powers.”

The seemingly stable and mature athlete proclaimed he wouldn’t take that chance and was going to play for Indianapolis.

Three Mutter Museum skeletons, which may or may not have skeleton power.

Three Mutter Museum skeletons, which may or may not have skeleton power.

“I heard they have like a whole room of skulls and an entire room filled with little dead babies in glass jars. No way I’m taking the chance of going there and having one of them open their cold, black eyes, locking their vision on me to put a hex on me or something, no way.”

When told he wouldn’t have to visit the museum during his tenure in the city, Gore responded that simply being in the same city as the museum was enough.

A Mütter Museum representative, when reached for comment, would not confirm or deny reports that the museum’s skeletons came alive at night to feast on the flesh of the living.

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Chip Kelly’s plan apparently to give Angelo Cataldi a massive stroke

When The Coggin Toboggan wants to get serious it turns its coverage over to its editor and founder to bring everything to a screeching halt. Goodbye funny, say hello to self pity and depression.

Here at the CT, we are big fans of the moves the Eagles are making (not so much the decision to not re-sign Maclin, but everything else is going fairly well). They all make sense financially, talent wise, and show a desire from the franchise to explore new options instead of doing the same things over and over again.

An added benefit of the bevy of roster moves being made by the Eagles is the effect they will have on the local media, especially one Angelo Cataldi.

We’re not huge fans of the notorious flip flopper and anything that will take an extra step into handing him a massive stroke is just fine by us.

He’s been on the air for a few hours by now. Is his speech slurred? Has he been nonsensical? Ahh perfect.

In other media news, Howard Eskin tweeted this out at 9 p.m. Sunday evening.

Eskin screen shotThat’s about an hour after the news of Maclin’s plans to sign with the Chiefs was all over Twitter. Really not breaking any news there Howard.

Also, note the twitter handle. Yeah, that’s not Jeremy Maclin’s. It’s this fellows.

Eskin 2That’s some great reporting, Howard.