Tony Bruno

Josh Innes takes week off to train in secluded cabin in the Poconos

hqdefaultPhiladelphia, PA – Citing a need to become stronger and getting back to his roots, Josh Innes revealed today he spent his previous week off the radio secluded in a desolate cabin deep in the Pocono mountains.

Innes needed to get away after his longtime friend and co-host Tony Bruno was killed in the ring (retired) last week after decades on air.

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Josh Innes thrilled he no longer has to wear pants to work

Josh Innes reminding himself he no longer has to wear pants into the office. (Photo credit: Philly.com)

Josh Innes reminding himself he no longer has to wear pants into the office. (Photo credit: Philly.com)

Philadelphia, PA – Following the decision yesterday of co-host Tony Bruno stepping down from the 94 WIP afternoon drive show he had worked on for several months, remaining host Josh Innes expressed his regret that the venerable and experienced Bruno had decided to retire from the sports talk radio format.

However, Innes did see one positive in the situation, as he ceremoniously unbuttoned his strained jeans and threw them into the garbage the second he was in the WIP studio.

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Josh Innes brilliantly breaks down Jimmy Rollins’ statements, farts long, hard into microphone

20150201-Tony-Bruno-John-InnessPhiladelphia, PA – 94 WIP sports talk host Josh Innes took to the airwaves yesterday to discuss the recent statements of Jimmy Rollins, former Philadelphia Phillies. Innes calmly and eloquently broke down Rollins’ statements about Philadelphia not appreciating the dynamic he had with the fans, presenting a rationale argument for each of his talking points.

“He was never a superstar. He was a great player, but never a superstar, and it just shows you where his head is at if he’s describing himself as such,” Innes said. “It’s absurd for him to make these statements about his prowess as a player, but he does raise some valid points about the people of Philadelphia possibly holding him to a higher standard than other players on those great teams, like Chase Utley or Ryan Howard.”

Innes then lowered his microphone to his buttocks and flatulated into the live mic for 15 seconds.

“It seems as if he’s directly comparing himself to Chase Utley. He may be jealous of the attention and free pass Utley has gotten from fans for all these years. Can you really blame him?” Innes said, before bending over and sticking the microphone between his legs to let out several small, machine gun blasts of flatulence.

Bruno nodded along in agreement with Innes, and punctuated the end of the segment with a few quick sprays of Febreeze throughout the studio.

“Well, tomorrow on the show we’ll have former United States Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice on with us. She’ll be discussing the state of pro football with us, she’s a huge fan, Tony, and she’ll be sharing her thoughts with us on the turmoil in the Middle East,” he said. “Plus, we’ll have 5 strippers in here from Club Risque and we’ll be playing a round of our patented game, Bologna tits. 10 slices, 10 breasts, 10 throws. Should be a great show.”

94 WIP’s Josh Innes has been frantically writing Nate Allen jokes since 4 a.m.

20150201-Tony-Bruno-John-InnessPhiladelphia, PA – Following the news that current free agent and former Eagles starting safety Nate Allen was held by police last night after being accused of masturbating in his vehicle at an intersection, 94 WIP radio personality Josh Innes had locked himself in a station office for the past 8 hours, frantically scribbling down as many Nate Allen masturbation jokes as he possibly can.

His co-host, Tony Bruno, told reporters Innes had only taken one restroom break in the past 8 hours.

“I don’t want to disturb him. Look at him, it’s like watching Mozart working on his Requiem,” Bruno said. “There’s no way a 5-hour show with commercials will be enough time for him to use everything he has prepared.”

The unwashed and frazzled Innes could be seen in the office swaying his arms too and fro, his eyes closed, a bic pen elegantly gliding across a legal pad as the self-pleasuring jokes poured forth from his soul. Several full pads were strewn throughout the office, ready for airtime.

“Nate even rhymes with masturbate. I can only imagine how much mileage he’s gotten out of that already,” Bruno said. “I could only come up with one and it’s not even that great. Basically just a play on the word ‘indecent exposure’ and Nate being an expert on being ‘exposed’ each Sunday afternoon. It’s wordy, I know, which is why I’m leaving this up to a professional.”

Innes took a break for several minutes, his chest heaving, obviously in pain as he laid his burdened head upon a silk throw pillow. The moment of rest was broken when his head shot up from the pillow, yelling “Eureeka!” as he took up his quill once more in preparation for the 1 p.m. show.

94 WIP promotes Rob Ellis to coveted 5 a.m. timeslot

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“Rowdy” Rob Ellis, really cutting it loose in his 94 WIP station photograph.

Philadelphia, PA – Citing the need for an experienced radio veteran to kick off its morning coverage, 94 WIP program director Spike Eskin announced Tuesday that Rob Ellis would be promoted from his bi-monthly 3 a.m. radio show to a twice weekly 5 a.m. position.

Ellis will be on the air each Monday and Friday from 5 to 5:30 a.m. With breaks, Ellis will be on air for a grand total of 9 minutes.

Upon hearing of his “promotion,” Ellis was said to have sighed deeply and then looked lovingly at a replica rifle mounted on the station’s wall.

“We really feel this is a great spot for Rob. He’s shown he can handle some adversity this year, and we think this will be a great lead in for Angelo Cataldi and the Morning Show,” Eskin said. “You can get into some salient sports talk in 9 minutes, believe me.”

Eskin said it will be Ellis’s duty to gain ground in the “Insomniac and cocaine addict” demographic so dominated by 97.5 the Fanatic.

It’s been a trying few months for Ellis, as he lost his mid afternoon drive position with Anthony Gargano to Josh Innes and Tony Bruno. He was demoted to the 6 to 10 p.m. position, and then to a 3 a.m. slot twice a month.

His station parking spot was also given to the sandwich truck Josh Innes frequents on a daily basis.

“Rob’s a professional. I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of a product he can put out there twice a week for us. He knows what he’s doing,” Eskin said.

After agreeing to the deal, Ellis was told he will also be responsible for three live reads a show, which will reduce his on-air sports talk time to three minutes a show.

94 WIP rehires Tony Bruno and Josh Innes, plus 8 new co-hosts

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Bruno (left) and Innes are back and will be joined by 8 new co-hosts.

Philadelphia, PA – One day after firing both Josh Innes and Tony Bruno from the afternoon drive time slot, 94 WIP program director Spike Eskin announced the duo has been rehired and will once again man the airwaves from 1 to 6 p.m.

Current host Anthony Gargano, who appeared on the air for one day, was fired. Rob Ellis, his co-host, has been moved to a bi-monthy 3 a.m. show, Eskin said.

“We feel Josh and Tony are the perfect fit for the 1 to 6 p.m. slot  and will definitely challenge Mike MIssanelli for the number one spot in the ratings,” Eskin said during a press conference. “Plus, we think their new co-hosts will really add a lot to their unique brand of sports talk radio.”

Joining Bruno and Innes on a daily basis will be current 94 WIP host Glen Macnow, former host Steve Martorano, former Eagles great Chuck Bednarik, former mayoral candidate Milton Street, former NHL enforcer Dan Kordic, the ghost of Jimmie Foxx, Howard Eskin’s beard and the Philadelphia Phanatic.

“We really think the the Bruno, Innes, Macnow, Martorano, Bednark, Street, Kordic, Foxx, Eskin Beard and Philadelphia Phanatic Show is really going to give the station a firm direction moving forward,” Eskin said. “We’re especially excited about hiring Eskin’s beard, he was a great get.”

Perhaps in a reactionary move, 97.5 the Fanatic agreed to hire former 76ers mascot Hip Hop as a co-host for Missanelli.

Update:

94 WIP announced it has fired Howard Eskin from his part time show, but is allowing his beard to remain in the afternoon drive. Eskin was last seen at Ponzio’s Diner sobbing openly in the Garden Room.

Tony Bruno fired from 94 WIP due to declining ratings

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Bruno (left) is out of the picture at 94 WIP. (Photo credit: Philly.com)

Philadelphia, PA – One day after the debut show of Josh Innes and Tony Bruno in the afternoon, company management representatives from 94 WIP have announced a change in direction when it comes to the afternoon drive slot.

Tony Bruno has been let go of his contract and will no longer appear alongside Josh Innes from 1 to 6 p.m. each afternoon. The duo performed one show together, setting their sites on ratings leaders Mike Missanelli of 97.5 the Fanatic, but unfortunately came up short.

Company representatives expressed frustration at the lack of a ratings gain from the two hosts.

“Quite simply, we thought we’d be farther ahead in the game than we are right now, so we felt it was time to make a change,” said Spike Eskin, the program director for 94 WIP. “We felt that we gave Tony and Josh an ample amount of time to really close that gap, but we just didn’t see the results.”

Eskin continued and announced an exciting new direction for the longtime sports radio station.

“We’ve hired a new host, a fresh talent, who we think is going to bring some unique ideas to our format,” Eskin said.

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94 WIP has hitched its wagon to the rising star of Anthony Gargano, a lover of incredible meats.

Eskin then announced Anthony Gargano, a sports radio talk show host, has been hired to replace Bruno. Gargano will sit in with Innes immediately.

“Anthony Gargano will bring a reverberant voice to WIP. We’re very excited to see where this new talent will bring us,” Eskin said.

Gargano, a relative unknown to the Philadelphia sports talk scene, cited a love for the city and a love of incredible meats as his two main assets as a radio host.

The duo will begin their show today from 1 to 6 p.m.

UPDATE:

As of press time, 94 WIP has let Josh Innes out of his contract and announced Rob Ellis will team with Gargano for the afternoon drive slot.

Josh Innes, Tony Bruno arguing over who would be who in the Mega Maniacs

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Tony Bruno (left) and Josh Innes have teamed up for the coveted afternoon drive spot on 94 WIP. Both want to be the Hulkster and will go home if they don’t get their way.

Philadelphia, PA – Josh Innes and Tony Bruno’s pairing on 94 WIP has gotten off to a rocky start, as the two sports radio hosts were heard arguing loudly at the station about which of them would be Hulk Hogan of the early 90s tag team, the Mega Maniacs.

Innes suggested a station promo compare the new sports radio duo to the Mega Maniacs, a popular early 90s WWF tag team consisting of Hulk Hogan and Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake.

“Obviously I’d be Hogan, so maybe write something down along the lines of, ‘Innes will be throwing a huge leg drop on Mike Missanelli in the afternoons, and as always Bruno will be by his side with his trusty, oversized barber sheers.’ Yeah, that’s real good,” Innes told a production manager at the station

Bruno took exception to being compared to the less popular member of the tag team.

“I’d be Brutus? Are you kidding me? Do I look like I’d come to the station, sporting a pair of barber sheers and a broken face?!” He shouted at Innes, citing a real-life incident where a parasailer flying too low to the beach ran into the wrestler and crushed every bone in his facial skeleton. “Maybe we should change the name of the show to the The Barber Shop, is that what you want? This is fucking ridiculous! I’m even bald, just like the Hulkster, you can go screw yourself.”

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WWF tag team powerhouse, The Mega Maniacs.

Bruno and Innes then allegedly both grabbed either side of a red bandana and fought over the garment, cupping their hands over their ears to show which of the two was the real “Hulkamaniac” of the duo.

“I always say my prayers and eat my vitamins, so fuck you!” Innes screamed, as the two hosts had to be separated by several other station employees.

Bruno then attempted to strike Innes with Hogan’s signature “big boot” maneuver and tore every single muscle in his leg.

As of press time, a cloaked figure, who only revealed himself as being “The Higher Power of 94 WIP,” tented his fingers and muttered approvingly at the developments.

Online dirt sheets are speculating the “higher power” will be revealed in a later episode as a newly rehired Anthony Gargano, who will vie for the coveted afternoon drive spot with Bruno and Innes.