Hulk Hogan

Hulk Hogan finally triumphs over celebrity status and remaining goodwill

hogan-legdropAfter a decades long battle with his stardom and collective goodwill, Terry Bollea, aka Hulk Hogan, finally defeated his celebrity this morning with a big boot to the face and several leg drops.

Hogan reportedly “Hulked up” this morning after a controversial video surfaced in the media, shaking his fists and puffing his cheeks as he drew strength from deep within himself.

Hogan whipped his remaining goodwill into the ropes and delivered his patented Big Boot maneuver to the face of his opponent.

Putting a hand to his ear, Hogan bounced off the ropes and leaped high into the air, crashing down on what little of his celebrity remained.

Hogan pinned it for the 1, 2, 3 and the victory.

“This just shows and you can do when the Hulkster runs wild on the Jews! Say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and don’t marry any black men!” Hogan screamed into Mean Gene’s microphone after the match

Hogan celebrated with the remaining white members of the audience.

WWE broke all ties with Hogan after the match.

Josh Innes, Tony Bruno arguing over who would be who in the Mega Maniacs

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Tony Bruno (left) and Josh Innes have teamed up for the coveted afternoon drive spot on 94 WIP. Both want to be the Hulkster and will go home if they don’t get their way.

Philadelphia, PA – Josh Innes and Tony Bruno’s pairing on 94 WIP has gotten off to a rocky start, as the two sports radio hosts were heard arguing loudly at the station about which of them would be Hulk Hogan of the early 90s tag team, the Mega Maniacs.

Innes suggested a station promo compare the new sports radio duo to the Mega Maniacs, a popular early 90s WWF tag team consisting of Hulk Hogan and Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake.

“Obviously I’d be Hogan, so maybe write something down along the lines of, ‘Innes will be throwing a huge leg drop on Mike Missanelli in the afternoons, and as always Bruno will be by his side with his trusty, oversized barber sheers.’ Yeah, that’s real good,” Innes told a¬†production manager at the station

Bruno took exception to being compared to the less popular member of the tag team.

“I’d be Brutus? Are you kidding me? Do I look like I’d come to the station, sporting a pair of barber sheers and a broken face?!” He shouted at Innes, citing a real-life incident where a parasailer flying too low to the beach ran into the wrestler and crushed every bone in his¬†facial skeleton. “Maybe we should change the name of the show to the The Barber Shop, is that what you want? This is fucking ridiculous! I’m even bald, just like the Hulkster, you can go screw yourself.”

Mega-Maniacs

WWF tag team powerhouse, The Mega Maniacs.

Bruno and Innes then allegedly both grabbed either side of a red bandana and fought over the garment, cupping their hands over their ears to show which of the two was the real “Hulkamaniac” of the duo.

“I always say my prayers and eat my vitamins, so fuck you!” Innes screamed, as the two hosts had to be separated by several other station employees.

Bruno then attempted to strike Innes with Hogan’s signature “big boot” maneuver and tore every single muscle in his leg.

As of press time, a cloaked figure, who only revealed himself as being “The Higher Power of 94 WIP,” tented his fingers and muttered approvingly at the developments.

Online dirt sheets are speculating the “higher power” will be revealed in a later episode as a newly rehired Anthony Gargano, who will vie for the coveted afternoon drive spot with Bruno and Innes.