94 WIP’s Josh Innes has been frantically writing Nate Allen jokes since 4 a.m.

20150201-Tony-Bruno-John-InnessPhiladelphia, PA – Following the news that current free agent and former Eagles starting safety Nate Allen was held by police last night after being accused of masturbating in his vehicle at an intersection, 94 WIP radio personality Josh Innes had locked himself in a station office for the past 8 hours, frantically scribbling down as many Nate Allen masturbation jokes as he possibly can.

His co-host, Tony Bruno, told reporters Innes had only taken one restroom break in the past 8 hours.

“I don’t want to disturb him. Look at him, it’s like watching Mozart working on his Requiem,” Bruno said. “There’s no way a 5-hour show with commercials will be enough time for him to use everything he has prepared.”

The unwashed and frazzled Innes could be seen in the office swaying his arms too and fro, his eyes closed, a bic pen elegantly gliding across a legal pad as the self-pleasuring jokes poured forth from his soul. Several full pads were strewn throughout the office, ready for airtime.

“Nate even rhymes with masturbate. I can only imagine how much mileage he’s gotten out of that already,” Bruno said. “I could only come up with one and it’s not even that great. Basically just a play on the word ‘indecent exposure’ and Nate being an expert on being ‘exposed’ each Sunday afternoon. It’s wordy, I know, which is why I’m leaving this up to a professional.”

Innes took a break for several minutes, his chest heaving, obviously in pain as he laid his burdened head upon a silk throw pillow. The moment of rest was broken when his head shot up from the pillow, yelling “Eureeka!” as he took up his quill once more in preparation for the 1 p.m. show.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s