All that remains of the Wells Fargo Center.
Philadelphia, Pa – The Wingette Riot of 2016 has ended following orders from new Philadelphia Mayor Jim Kenney to implode the Wells Fargo Center, sealing the violent Wingettes in a tomb of rubble and chicken wings for all eternity.
The implosion commenced after a Philadelphia SWAT team determined the scene was too violent and dangerous to enter. All Wing Bowl attendees were evacuated before the Wells Fargo Center was demolished.
Scene inside Wing Bowl 24 as the Wingettes continue their cocaine riot.
Philadelphia, PA – Tragedy has struck Wing Bowl 24, as the Wingettes in attendance at the annual Philadelphia eating event have violently revolted against the show and are participating in an all out riot due to the lack of cocaine available, according to a Coggin Toboggan source.
The Wingettes reportedly fashioned crude molotov cocktails out of PJ Whelihan’s wing sauce and have been lobbing them into the crowd and the stage of competitive eaters, badly burning thousands in attendance and likely killing hundreds.
Several Wingettes earlier this morning when cocaine supplies were still ample.
Philadelphia, PA – Details are slim at this point in time, but a Coggin Toboggan reporter on the scene of Wing Bowl 24 has relayed to our offices that the cocaine deposits doled out to Wingettes through the annual eating event have all but been depleted and the event still has several hours until completion.
Wing Bowl Wingettes, scantily clad young women from various strip clubs and fatherless homes throughout Philadelphia, have been used as cheerleaders for the competition and as eye-candy during each competitor’s grand entrance into the Wells Fargo Arena.
The young ladies have traditionally been willing to participate in the degrading performance as long as plenty of booger sugar has been available to numb feelings and cloud the senses.
Several hundred eight-balls are typically needed to give Wingettes the strength to tolerate thousands of drunken South Philadelphia louts screaming at them to show the crowd their tits.
“It’s a madhouse down here. These young ladies are jittery as hell and coming down fast. Eyes are becoming less cloudy and tensions are high. Things are going to get ugly,” our source has told us.
We’ll update readers as more information comes in.
Has he reached his lowest point?
Philadelphia, PA – Dennis Rodman, known partier, alcoholic, and friend of North Korean despot Kim Jong-Un, was confirmed today as a special guest for Wing Bowl 24 by WIP Morning Show host Angelo Cataldi.
Many close friends and family members of Rodman hope this will serve as a wake-up call for the Hall of Fame basketball player and show him how far he’s sunk.