Philadelphia, Pa – The Wingette Riot of 2016 has ended following orders from new Philadelphia Mayor Jim Kenney to implode the Wells Fargo Center, sealing the violent Wingettes in a tomb of rubble and chicken wings for all eternity.
The implosion commenced after a Philadelphia SWAT team determined the scene was too violent and dangerous to enter. All Wing Bowl attendees were evacuated before the Wells Fargo Center was demolished.
“They were just holed up in there, chanting for more and more cocaine. It was an ugly scene. I couldn’t allow any of our fine men and women of the Philadelphia Police Department to risk their lives, so I made the call to make the controlled implosion. May God have mercy on my soul,” Mayor Kenney said at a press conference.
A Toboggan reporter said all that remains at the scene is rubble, chicken wing bones, tattered G-strings and 5-inch pink heels.
All Wingettes have been confirmed dead, bringing the Wing Bowl death total up to 679 unfortunate souls and counting.
Wing Bowl 24 is officially the second most deadly Wing Bowl in the history of the competition, falling behind death totals for Wing Bowl 12 and the unfortunate “Blue Cheese incident of 2004.”
At press time, every single strip and gentlemen’s club in the city announced they were hiring.