BREAKING NEWS

Aaron Nola dazzles fans with 6 strong innings, immediately demoted to AAA after game
Dead man walking (Photo credit: Emily Paine / The Morning Call)

Dead man walking (Photo credit: Emily Paine / The Morning Call)

Philadelphia, PA – Giving Philadelphia fans something to be excited about for the first time since 2011, Aaron Nola made his major league debut Tuesday night against the Tampa Bay Rays, pitching six-strong innings and only allowing one run.

Nola exited the game with the Phillies losing 0-1, but he had certainly done his job, only allowing one earned run on five hits.

Ruben Amaro congratulated Nola on his debut, sitting next to the beaming rookie in a post game press conference.

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REPORT: Joel Embiid getting fitted for peg leg

JoelPhiladelphia, PA – Reports coming out of the 76ers front office this morning are showing Joel Embiid suffered another injury to his oft-injured right foot.

While the medical information is differing, there were numerous reports this morning Embiid’s leg had been amputated beneath the knee sometime in the past month and was being fitted for a peg leg this afternoon.

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Phillies release Cole Hamels into the wild
He's free now, free and happy.

He’s free now, free and happy.

Philadelphia, PA – Unable to finally make a trade to send Phillies ace Cole Hamels to another team, Ruben Amaro made the heartbreaking decision to release the veteran pitcher into the wild and allow him to be free and happy.

Amaro drove Hamels to Fairmount Park after his second straight poor start on Sunday afternoon and opened the door to his Toyota Tercel, telling Hamels to leave and never come back.

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Phillies minor-league pitcher Aaron Nola receives devastating news
Dead man walking (Photo credit: Emily Paine / The Morning Call)

Dead man walking (Photo credit: Emily Paine / The Morning Call)

Philadelphia, PA – Aaron Nola, the highest rated minor-league pitcher in the Phillies farm system, had the meeting every minor league player dreads this morning.

The Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs pitcher reportedly came out of a meeting with manager Dave Brundage in tears, punching his fist into a nearby locker before sitting on a stool with his head in his hands for close to 20 minutes straight.

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Josh Innes takes week off to train in secluded cabin in the Poconos

hqdefaultPhiladelphia, PA – Citing a need to become stronger and getting back to his roots, Josh Innes revealed today he spent his previous week off the radio secluded in a desolate cabin deep in the Pocono mountains.

Innes needed to get away after his longtime friend and co-host Tony Bruno was killed in the ring (retired) last week after decades on air.

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Ruben Amaro Jr. dominates this year’s “Shitties” ceremony

rubenSouth Los Angeles, Calif. – Perhaps validating one of the most troubled years of his career as a front office representative for the Philadelphia Phillies, Ruben Amaro Jr. won six “Shittie” awards, a competing sports award show held on the same evening as the ESPN “Espy” awards.

The ceremony took place at a YMCA in South Los Angeles from 3 to 5 p.m. yesterday, with some of the most well known names in sports in attendance. Hosted by Bill Cosby, sports dignitaries such as Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson and Tiger Woods all received “Shitties” for their accomplishments this past year.

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MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred declares winner of All-Star Game to be “World Series Champions”
Sorry baseball, that's it for the year. (Photo credit: www.underconsideration.com)

Sorry baseball, that’s it for the year. (Photo credit: http://www.underconsideration.com)

Cincinnati, Ohio – Mere moments after the American League defeated the National League in last night’s All-Star Game, new MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred continued to shake up the game when he declared the members of the American League squad as “World Series Champions.” (more…)

HR Derby champ Todd Frazier suspended for remainder of season
Todd Frazier, mere moments before he was stripped of his title belt (Photo Credit: USA Today)

Todd Frazier, mere moments before he was stripped of his title belt (Photo Credit: USA Today)

Cincinnati, Ohio – In a shocking announcement this morning, first year Major League Baseball Commissioner Rob Manfred announced All-Star third basemen Todd Frazier of the Cincinnati Reds would be suspended for the remaining 86 games of the season.

Frazier was reportedly suspended for his part in the home run derby scandal, Manfred said. After checking his Twitter feed and re-watching the derby this morning, the new MLB commissioner noticed Frazier’s pitcher released several pitches before his previous hits landed on the ground, a clear violation of derby rules.

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Sam Hinkie puts down Joel Embiid in parking lot behind Wells Fargo Center
Joel

RIP

Philadelphia, PA – Not wanting to see the beloved Joel Embiid in pain any longer, Sam Hinkie learned how cruel the world could be and what it means to be a grown up.

“You know it’s the right thing to do Sam. If you love him, you won’t let him suffer any longer,” 76ers Managing Owner Josh Harris told the crying Hinkie, as he handed him a loaded double-barreled Remington shotgun.

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Sam Bradford loses hand in tragic sparkler accident on 4th of July

Sam BPhiladelphia, PA – A recent trend of professional NFL athletes injuring themselves with fireworks continued in Philadelphia over the Fourth of July.

Breaking news came to light this morning from a Jefferson Hospital employee who accidentally tweeted the hospital chart of Sam Bradford, who has been interred at the local hospital since Saturday.

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