RIP

Philadelphia, PA – Not wanting to see the beloved Joel Embiid in pain any longer, Sam Hinkie learned how cruel the world could be and what it means to be a grown up.

“You know it’s the right thing to do Sam. If you love him, you won’t let him suffer any longer,” 76ers Managing Owner Josh Harris told the crying Hinkie, as he handed him a loaded double-barreled Remington shotgun.

A tearful Sam Hinkie led an in pain Joel Embiid out into the parking lot behind the Wells Fargo Center, the shotgun in his hands.

Knowing it would be the last time he ever talked to Embiid again, Hinkie tried to blink back tears as they streamed down his face.

“I know Joel…I know. But this is the right thing to do. I…..I have to do it,” he said, raising the shotgun and pointing it to the confused Embiid.

“Sam…what are you doing? I thought we were just going to get another surgery?” Embiid said, moments before Hinkie unleashed both barrels into the young athlete.

Crying as he walked back to the Wells Fargo Center, Harris put his arms around Hinkie and said it was the right thing to do.

He then handed him a leash and pointed him in the direction of young Nik Stauskas, who had just arrived in the city.

“He’s going to need a lot of love and at least three walks a day, but you’re a man now, and I think you can handle it,” the proud Harris told Hinkie, who had run up to Stauskas and was patting him on the head.

As of press time, Hinkie was wanted by Philadelphia police for one count of murder.