Phillies release Cole Hamels into the wild

He's free now, free and happy.

He’s free now, free and happy.

Philadelphia, PA – Unable to finally make a trade to send Phillies ace Cole Hamels to another team, Ruben Amaro made the heartbreaking decision to release the veteran pitcher into the wild and allow him to be free and happy.

Amaro drove Hamels to Fairmount Park after his second straight poor start on Sunday afternoon and opened the door to his Toyota Tercel, telling Hamels to leave and never come back.

“This, this is for the best. I’m sorry Cole, don’t look at me that way. I know this is what’s going to be best for you and the organization. Go on, get out of here! I never liked you anyways!” He cried, trying to stifle the flow of tears pouring down his cheeks.

The broken up general manager reportedly threw a piece of trash at Hamels and turned his back on the pitcher, hoping he would live a happier life away from Philadelphia.

A reportedly confused Hamels walked away from Amaro, calling his agent on his iPhone to see if this was really happening.

“It’s for the best. He needed to live his life and I knew it was a sin to lock him away on our organization. Did you see his face? He was thrilled to be in his natural habitat. We did the right thing.” Amaro said, as he drove back to the city.

As of press time, Hamels’ agent had contacted the MLB and successfully had Hamels placed on the waiver wire, where several teams were vying for his services.

“Finally, we knew Amaro would do something stupid, we just had to wait him out,” a rival GM said on the condition of anonymity.

Hamels went on Uber and was back in his city penthouse by 5 p.m.

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