Editor’s Note

Hey pinheads, go vote for us at The Eagles Awards

special-trophy-meme_generator-370x278We don’t ask for much, we really don’t. Day in and day out we give you award winning, HILARIOUS takes on Philadelphia sports and nonsense that makes this stinktown of a city so much fun to be around.

So you know what you can do for us before the year is out? No no, money isn’t necessary. Put away your wallets and open up your hearts to a miracle.

If you like us, if you really want to make us happy and have us stick around for another year and stop looking at the loaded gun on our desk lovingly, then go vote for us for the FIRST ANNUAL EAGLES AWARDS 2015.

Pick us for one of the categories and send in your votes. You need a Gmail account to cast a vote, so go sign up. Hell, sign up multiple accounts and stuff the ballot box, we’re certainly not above cheating.

In fact, I insist you cheat.

Here’s the link:

http://philadehliaeagles.com/eagles-twitter-awards/

Go vote for us. Remember, we’ve brought you such fabulous Eagles articles in the past year as these:

Reports from Eagles practice describe “Incredible Freakout” by Les Bowen. 

Eagles Marcus Smith gaining confidence he can successfully qualify for unemployment benefits.

Sam Bradford wows during iron lung drills at Philadelphia Eagles OTAs. 

A (late) Festivus airing of grievances

he05wkm“I’VE GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE, AND NOW YOU’RE GOING TO HEAR ABOUT IT.” – Frank Costanza.

How, oh how could we have forgotten the most fun part of Festivus, the Airing of Grievances? The popular holiday, created by Frank Costanza who was tired of the commercialism and religious aspects of Christmas, urges followers to let loved ones know all of the ways they have disappointed them in the past year.

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Is Glen Macnow a cranky old man? We look into it…

Look at that punim!

Look at that punim!

I’m at an all day conference and I have a 30 minute break. Instead of chit chatting with potential sources who could give my career a real boost, I’ve decided to write something for my blog that makes me no money.

Five minutes ago I took to Twitter and said I would write ANY article suggested to me by a reader.

Dedicated reader KaboomKid7 came out of nowhere (a la Mankind from under the ring to drag the Undertaker down to hell) and Tweeted this story suggestion to me.

I said anything, and he was the first person to respond, so lets look into this question and determine, once and for all, if Glen Macnow is a cranky old man.

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Just sit back and enjoy each 76ers loss, the most entertaining team in the city

76ers logoI’ve watched 16 minutes of the first period of the Flyers game against the Edmonton Oilers, who are 4-8, and have outshot the Flyers by 16-2 so far.

The Eagles are so bad this season the fan base practically begged the Eagles to seriously consider parting ways with draft picks to trade for Colin Kaepernick. Kaepernick was benched this week in favor of backup QB Blaine Gabbert, the very same Blaine Gabbert who has thrown more interceptions in his professional career than touchdowns.

They want him to replace Sam Bradford. Bradford has the longest sleeves in the NFL. That’s the only positive you can mention about him this season.

It’s going to be a shitty winter. Perhaps Phil Connors said it best, “I’ll give you a winter prediction: It’s gonna be cold, it’s gonna be grey, and it’s gonna last you for the rest of your life.”

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Seize this opportunity, about-to-be-laid-off employees of the Inquirer and Daily News

inquirerdn-dl-shaded1The newsrooms of the Philadelphia Inquirer, Daily News and Philly.com are going to combine as part of a restructuring of the parent company, Philadelphia Media Network. Layoffs will be happening in all branches of the company, representatives reported, which is a shame because some talented reporters will be losing their jobs.

But fret not! The Coggin Toboggan, the fastest growing Philadelphia sports satire news site in South Jersey, is open to bringing in SEVERAL new writers to contribute to our brand of accurate and award winning journalism.

We’re looking for only the best, the brightest, and the most professional reporters in the area to contribute articles for our publication.

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Temple Owls vs. Notre Dame Fighting Irish: A breakdown for the ages

Temple_OwlsThe Coggin Toboggan prides itself on its ability to breakdown upcoming match-ups and give our readers the best in sports analysis. With the Eagles on a bye this weekend, the city is buzzing about the upcoming Temple versus Notre Dame game on Saturday night at 8 p.m.

So who has the edge? The Owls are ranked 21st in the country and the Notre Dame Fighting Irish are ranked 9th, with the upstart Owls finding themselves on the national stage for the first time in decades. Are the Owls hungry enough to topple the perennial powerhouse that is Notre Dame? It’s a traditional David vs. Goliath match-up, so the the only acceptable way to predict a winner is to decide if an Owl could beat a leprechaun in a fight.

This type of professional sports analysis may be hard to follow for casual fans, so if you’re finding yourself confused at some of the technical jargon and in-depth analysis, maybe go read one of our more low-brow articles.

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Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk me

chipI’d wager every Eagles fan became aware they had ESP yesterday around 4 p.m. when the Redskins received the  back, down four, with just around three minutes to play. Every single fan knew, they KNEW in their hearts the Redskins were going to have a lengthy drive, score a touchdown, and the Eagles would lose by three points.

The narrative was too perfect. They would lose by three after their newly signed “kicker” had left four extremely easy points on the field.

Kirk Cousins of all people would lead his team down the field for the victory. Even Kirk Cousins’ parents didn’t think he would do it, they were leaving the stadium to beat the traffic before the game actually ended.

Holy shit that was painful. After cursing god for hours I sat in a dark room until midnight and wished curses upon all those who had wronged me. It was a nice evening.

Is Caleb Sturgis an avid Coggin Toboggan reader and actually read this article before the game? If he did, then I’d like to apologize to Eagles fans everywhere and I’ll have to start working on a new one where he quits football to do something worthy of his skills, like a janitor or a used car salesman, because he certainly isn’t a good enough kicker.

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Hitting the wall and hitting it hard (random thoughts about this past week)

bricks.jpgFor the past week I’ve been traveling for work and I’ve quickly found that trying to update this blog while on the road is extremely difficult. I’m sure most of you who actually read this blog have noticed it too, since most of what I’ve written is garbage and just out of necessity to get something on the page each day.

If I wasn’t lazy I would delete the Jeremy Affeldt/City of Philadelphia article published yesterday. It’s garbage and not funny.

Currently I’m slogging through the last (merciful) hour of this convention and looking back on topics I wanted to write about this week, but my fried brain just couldn’t put anything together.

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Miles Austin takes walk down injury lane at Monmouth University

Austin returned to the location of some of his more glorious injuries as a football player.

Austin returned to the location of some of his more glorious injuries as a football player.

West Long Branch, NJ – A smile appeared on Eagles wide receiver Miles Austin’s face when he emerged from the team bus this afternoon. He was, after all, returning to the university where he spent four glorious, injury ravaged years before making his way into professional football.

Austin, the university’s all-time record holder for receiving yards with 2,867, fondly recalled some of his more debilitating injuries on the Monmouth University football field.

“Looking back on it, the excruciating pain I felt almost every day of my life here is next to nothing from what I suffer through now, but it really helped me get ready for my professional career,” Austin said, as he limped towards the practice field.

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The best Philadelphia sports talk show that doesn’t exist

fanaticlogo_2I’ve paid more attention to the Philadelphia sports talk landscape this year than I would care to admit, but the shows are an absolute goldmine for material that literally DOZENS of you read every single day. There are several brands of shows on 97.5 the Fanatic and 94 WIP and most of them follow the same format they’ve followed for years.

But then there are the outlier shows, like the 94 WIP mid day show, that seem to garner a lot of attention and vitriol for DARING to do something different. People can’t stand Josh Innes for trying anything new. They’d rather listen to the same nonsense day in and day out from comfortable hosts who follow the same formula each day.

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And you know what? It works. These guys make a comfortable living doing the same thing every single day. So why can’t I get in on the action? This is a script of the GREATEST Philadelphia sports talk show currently not on the air. How can the two big stations in this city not contact me after reading this gold?

This is a microcosm of how the show will run each day. I guarantee it will bring in a 35 share every day (whatever that is).

I think the show would go a little something like this…..

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