Temple Owls vs. Notre Dame Fighting Irish: A breakdown for the ages

Temple_OwlsThe Coggin Toboggan prides itself on its ability to breakdown upcoming match-ups and give our readers the best in sports analysis. With the Eagles on a bye this weekend, the city is buzzing about the upcoming Temple versus Notre Dame game on Saturday night at 8 p.m.

So who has the edge? The Owls are ranked 21st in the country and the Notre Dame Fighting Irish are ranked 9th, with the upstart Owls finding themselves on the national stage for the first time in decades. Are the Owls hungry enough to topple the perennial powerhouse that is Notre Dame? It’s a traditional David vs. Goliath match-up, so the the only acceptable way to predict a winner is to decide if an Owl could beat a leprechaun in a fight.

This type of professional sports analysis may be hard to follow for casual fans, so if you’re finding yourself confused at some of the technical jargon and in-depth analysis, maybe go read one of our more low-brow articles.

Owls

GreatHornedOwl-Wiki

  • Ferocious talons perfect for gouging out eyes and snatching beers/potatoes away from drunken Irish fans.
  • Keen eyesight and hearing allow owls to see and hear everything around them, perfect for blackmail use later on.
  • Ability to rotate head a near complete 360 degrees is super cool, but looks as if it may hurt.
  • Sleeps during the day and hunts at night, but has no DVR so cannot watch Price is Right as often as it wants too.
  • Yellow eyes remind too many fans of Scott Farkus, the horrible bully from A Christmas Story.
  • Favorite band is The Who (get it?)
  • Tremendous wing span perfect for reaching top shelf of liquor cabinet for young nieces and nephews who just want to be cool at a high school party.

Leprechauns

lep

  • Wicked cool shillelaghs used to cave in the skulls of those who prefer Beefeaters gin over Bushmills whiskey.
  • Favorite dinner: An Irish Seven Course meal (six pack and a potato).
  • Will likely be too busy to actually watch the game due to busy schedule of binge drinking, crying, and fighting family members for no reason.
  • Red hair allows them to blend in perfectly with the beautiful fall foliage of the area.
  • Little known fact: Soda bread isn’t actually made from soda, the beverage. Uses this to advantage somehow.
  • Hard to understand dialect and drunken slurring can cause confusion during a scrap.
  • Far too preoccupied with location of pots of gold and its security, despite oftentimes leaving them unattended at the end of rainbows.
  • Top hats only brought out for formal occasions and drinking. Casual head wear typically consists of a crude cap fashioned out of peat moss and potato skins.

Well, there you have it. You’re not going to find an in-depth analysis like this anywhere else, folks. Please make sure to forward this to any and all relatives who may be Irish or an owl.

Temple 27 – Notre Dame 24

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