NFL

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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We at the Coggin Toboggan hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving. Just remember, as you’re enjoying your turkey and time with family, there are those of us that are spending their Thanksgivings alone, in an empty apartment with a bottle of half-empty Wild Turkey, weeping softly to ourselves as we watch that episode of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air where Carlton and Hillary volunteer at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving and make complete asses of themselves.

Please enjoy some of the articles we enjoyed writing this past year.

Elated Gerald Henderson thought MVP chants were for him.

Abbot and Costello make our Eagles picks for the week.

Disappointed Ryan Howard definitely expected a car.

Deadbeat dad really going all out with upper deck Phillies tickets.

Mike Missanelli hospitalized after watching Chase Utley receive two curtain calls.

In the spirit of the Thanksgiving season, it’s time for the Coggin Toboggan pardon

What are you looking at? Gobble gobble.

Ahhhh Thanksgiving. A time for family, a time for good food and a time for visiting those weird relatives who still don’t have cable even though it’s 2016 and serve striped hard candy for dessert. You know the ones, their house smells like cat piss even though to the best of your knowledge they’ve never even owned a cat? Yeah, them. I know, they suck, but they’re lonely and nobody ever visits them, so get your ass over to their house and PLAY NICE.

Each year, the current president pardons two turkeys on the eve of Thanksgiving to keep the birds out of the slaughterhouse. Sure, it means absolutely nothing when hundreds of thousands of them are actually sent to the slaughterhouse each year, but it’s kitschy!

So it got us to thinking…why don’t we steal the idea and pardon someone we’ve given a hard time to over the past year? That’s a nice gesture, right? Sure it is, it’s a great look for us and will give us some much needed positive press after last year’s unfortunate holiday post, “It’s a Jerry Sandusky kind of Thanksgiving.”

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Maybe we’ll just start a politics blog instead…

Our thoughts exactly, Greg.

At this point in the Eagles season I need to take a long, hard look at what I’m doing with my free time. Wasting four hours of my life to watch the Eagles fuck their way through an afternoon shouldn’t be an option anymore. Just imagine what I could have done with those four hours…I could have re-caulked my bathroom appliances, taken a nap, soundproofed my sex dungeon…anything would have been better than watching Nelson Agholor have a stroke on the field in front of a national TV audience.

Maybe we should slowly start transitioning ourselves over to a politics based website?

DID YOU SEE WHAT TRUMP TWEETED? What a prick! Hey, we’re halfway there.

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Who will make our Eagles picks this week?

I…where do I even start? Three straight weeks, hardly any correct picks, it’s been and out and out nightmare. Sure, the Eagles proved us wrong and got a victory against the Falcons, but at what cost? They made us look foolish and I’M NOT IN THE BUSINESS OF BEING MADE THE FOOL.

It doesn’t get much easier this weekend, as the Eagles (5-4) are going west to take on the Seattle Seahawks (6-2) and hopefully not commit suicide like Kurt Cobain after the game. It’s a dreary region, I’m just saying is all. Don’t think it would be a bad idea to take Nigel Bradham’s guns away from him if they lose….

Eagles Win-Loss predictions: 3-6

Eagles spread predictions: 3-6

DARK. Oh well. The Eagles are a 6.5 point underdog, so it’s time to bring out the big guns. So, who exactly will be making our Eagles picks this week?

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Exciting weekend of football let down by Patriots/Seahawks nightcap

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Yuck.

A nation of football fans were treated to a spectacular weekend of professional and college match ups, as the #2, #3 and #4 nationally ranked college teams lost in nail biting fashion and the NFL hosted several of the finest games its seen all season.

However, the vaunted Patriots vs. Seahawks Sunday nightcap didn’t live up to fan expectations.

In a national survey, fans who stayed up to watch the 31-24 Seahawks victory felt disappointed that they didn’t witness a career ending Tom Brady injury or a stadium collapse that enveloped both teams under tons of rubble, concrete and rebar.

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Greg Hardy transitioning to MMA, hopes to debut against Ronda Rousey

Dallas, Texas – Former Cowboys lineman Greg Hardy, 28, who has not played in the NFL after a high-profile domestic abuse incident in 2014, recently announced he would put his NFL career on hold to transition to a new career within mixed martial arts.

Hardy, who does not have a mixed martial arts background, has already pointed out a perfect opponent for him to make his MMA debut.

Ronda Rousey.

“She’s been running her mouth for far too long about what a great fighter she is. I couldn’t think of anyone that I would rather fight, to tell you the truth,” Hardy said. “I need to make some money for cocaine when I’m not playing in the NFL. Did I say cocaine? I meant bail money. Yes….that’s a moderately better response.”

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Who will make our Eagles picks this season?

RIP Snickers the Possum. We hardly knew ye. (2015-2016)

What a conundrum. Just two days from the start of the Eagles 2016-2017 season and we have no columnist to pick games for us. Last year, as everyone knows, we employed Snickers, an anthropomorphic possum, to serve as our official Eagles handicapper. The lovable little scamp quickly scittered his way into our collective hearts and became a fan favorite.

Unfortunately, he was terrible at picking games. TERRIBLE. I’m not sure he picked a single game correctly through the five weeks we allowed him to pick games last year. He had terrible jokes, awful possum puns, he would play dead whenever we tried to tell him he needed to improve his performance….it was frustrating.

So after smashing his head on a rock, we abandoned our game predictions and vowed to never do it again.

But it’s a new year. New grass on the field, a new quarterback at the helm, so why don’t we try this again?

But who will make our Eagles picks now? Well, we decided to bring in SPECIAL GUESTS each and every week to share their knowledge with us, their wisdom, and hopefully not sue the website for using their likeness and making fun of them to pick football games.

But who is up first this season…..?

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Carson Wentz: “It’s just so great I’m starting on Sunday. Really, really great you guys. Really great.”

NFL: Preseason-Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Philadelphia Eagles

Weight of the world on your shoulders, big guy. No pressure.

Philadelphia, PA – Sources have confirmed that a fidgety, nervously chuckling Carson Wentz can’t keep telling teammates how great it is that he’s going to start against the Cleveland Browns on Sunday.

The first-year quarterback has reportedly been telling teammates at the NovaCare Complex nonstop that he can’t wait for Sunday to come and how his career path has taken a rapidly accelerated route in just the past several days.

“I’m pumped. It’s just so great I’m starting on Sunday, really, really great. I mean, it’s beyond great. It’s what I’ve worked for my entire life,” Wentz told tight end Brent Celek in the NovaCare weight room as he tied and re-tied a jump rope over and over again, severely fraying the cord of rope.

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Get to know Eagles head coach Doug Pederson in the NFL’s PR 2016 season guide

doug-pederson-650-362 The NFL conducted interviews of every head coach for its 2016 PR guide before the start of the season to offer reporters and fans a bit of a glimpse into the side of the coaches that they might not see on Sundays.

The questions are a bit silly and don’t talk about the intricate details of football these men have to deal with on a weekly basis, but it’s an interesting study in seeing what makes these men tick outside of the football field.

We got our hands on Doug Pederson’s interview before it’s published in the PR guide and are happy to share it with you, our dear readers.

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The Pros/Cons of Carson Wentz

022816_carson-wentz_1200 With news dropping that the number two overall draft pick Carson Wentz would not participate in the final preseason game this Thursday and would likely not dress for the regular season, it’s natural for Eagles fans to wonder if they were sold a bill of goods on the young quarterback.

Sure he had great success in his college career at North Dakota State playing against sub par competition, but how good is the young gunslinger and will he ever live up to expectations in a city that demands a lot from its football team?

The Coggin Toboggan’s scout team has you covered and has put together a comprehensive pros and cons list of what many fans hope will be the first quarterback to bring a Super Bowl to Philadelphia.

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