Carson Wentz

Friday the 13th Part 2, in 3D! Who lives, who dies?

Elite strength and height, but need to work on speed to reach his potential.

Two years ago, The Coggin Toboggan delved into a fabulous question on Friday the 13th…which Philadelphia sports figure would survive if he or she found themselves in the Friday the 13th horror series?

Well guess what, it’s Friday the 13th and Jason Voorhees is out there, somewhere, in wait with his machete and shining up his hockey mask real nice to create some havoc in the City of Brotherly Love.

Like every great series, the sequel is BIGGER AND BETTER than the original, so let’s take a look at some Philadelphia sports figures and see if they would survive in a Friday the 13th movie, and if they don’t we’ll take a look at how they would meet their maker in a old-school 3D horror movie.

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Who will make our Eagles picks this week?

oldmanwinter Here’s the portion of this weekly column where we tell you that we suck at picking these games. We do. We really suck. At least last week we were able to predict that the Eagles would lose to the Redskins, but of course we thought they would cover. Fuck me running.

This week the Eagles (5-8) take on the Baltimore Ravens (7-6). Interesting note, I used to cover Evesham Township for a local newspaper and their mayor, Randy Brown, is a kicking specialist for the Ravens. He hooked me up with an interview with head coach John Harbaugh and he was AWESOME. He didn’t have to take time out of his schedule to field questions from a little shit dick paper in New Jersey during the season, but he did anyway.

I do hope my best friend John Harbaugh has a good weekend taking on this pathetic football team.

But you know what? It doesn’t matter what I think, but what our special guest picker of the week thinks. That being said, who is making our picks this week?

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Conshohocken Brewing announces Zach Ertz beer following success of Ghost Bear Ale

The “Ertz Not-So Stout”

The local Conshohocken Brewing Company has made quite a splash today, as the brewery announced it would begin production on another beer brewed with a Philadelphia athlete in mind.

Beer aficionados and Philadelphia sports fans were abuzz this morning as the local brewery announced cans of its “Ghost Bear Golden Ale” would be available at several locations throughout Pennsylvania. Ghost Bear, of course, is the nickname of popular Flyers defenseman Shayne Gostisbehere.

Conshohocken Brewing Company announced it had also begun brewing a beer in honor of Eagles tight-end Zach Ertz.

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It’s official, the Eagles are worse than the stomach flu

The face that launched a thousand buckets of puke yesterday.

My kid has had the stomach flu since Wednesday. This house has been filled with puke, shit, tears, and all sorts of horrendous bodily fluids since early last week, some of them even from him.

Whether or not the puking/shitting was caused by him actually watching the first quarter of the game with me is yet to be determined.

Good LORD that was terrible. Doug Pederson basically had a stroke on the sidelines and decided to leave 6-points on the field in a crucial NFC East game and now the Eagles are where they belong, in the mother fucking basement.

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Who will make our Eagles picks for this week?

Wow…this is why I never bet on football games. The gravy train with biscuit wheels is officially off the tracks. Oh my god we SUCK at making picks for these Eagles games. After a hot start we’ve gotten all four predictions wrong in the past two weeks.

Oh wait, I mean, our guest pickers are terrible at making predictions because these are REAL guests making REAL picks for us.

We are awful.

So this week the Eagles (+4.5) take on the hated Cowboys in a clash of the top two NFC East teams. Dak Prescott welcomes Philadelphia to Arlington and Skip Bayless is already creaming in his jeans to see his crush take on Carson Wentz and the Eagles.

Just admit you want to tenderly kiss Prescott’s neck, Skip, and your life will be so much happier.

Win/loss prediction results: 2-4

Against the spread: 3-3

But who will make our picks this week…it’s Tony Romo! Tony, welcome to the Coggin.

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PETA to Carson Wentz: ‘Less real hunting, more hunting for a Super Bowl’

voila_capture-2016-09-29_08-45-37_am This unpublished press release has been intercepted by our moles working in the PETA national office. Apparently the animal-loving organization is turning its hateful eyes on Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz after a recent photo of him hunting deer during the bye week hit the Twitter-verse.

It’s a bold new foray into sports for the animal rights organization and it’s likely to ruffle some feathers in this city. What do you think?

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Nick Foles after watching Sam Bradford, Carson Wentz: ‘I could do that’

pi-nfl-chiefs-nick-foles-082116-vadapt-664-high-54 Kansas City – Second string Kansas City Chief quarterback Nick Foles, watching highlights of former Eagles quarterback Sam Bradford and current Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz, shook his head and muttered dejectedly to himself after another week of not getting off the sidelines.

After seeing the highlight of Wentz side-stepping a rusher, running along the line of scrimmage, and finding Darren Sproles for a 73-yard touchdown to seal a win against the Pittsburgh Steelers, Foles couldn’t help but find fault in the play.

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Anthony Gargano reportedly struggling to craft perfect love letter

The lovelorn Gargano is struggling to wrangle his romantic thoughts to the page.

Philadelphia, PA – Gingerly rubbing the temples of his head with his sausage-like fingers, 97.5 the Fanatic Morning Show host Anthony Gargano reported Monday that he had not slept at all the night prior, his mind bursting forth with tenderness and love.

However, the transfer of his beautiful prose and thoughts of fancy from his mind to paper had proved fruitless, as the uncultured mamaluke struggled to craft the perfect love letter to Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz, who is 2-0 on the season and proving to be “the real deal.”

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Carson Wentz can’t stop saying “Da Bears,” annoying everyone

snl_0716_10_bill_swerskis_super_fans_est

Bill Swerski and his Super Fans.

Chicago, Illinois – Perhaps running on adrenaline and nervous energy leading up to his first Monday Night Football game, sources have confirmed that Carson Wentz cannot stop quoting lines from the Saturday Night Live recurring “Super Fans” sketch, popularized in the early 90s by George Wendt and Chris Farley.

The recurring sketch, “Bill Swerski’s Super Fans,” popularized the catchphrase “Daaaaaa Bears,” which has become a prominent saying in sports lexicon. Wentz, sources have noted, has approximately said the phrase close to 50 times during the morning walk through, quarterbacks meeting and media session.

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Who will make our Eagles picks this week?

Wheeler What a debut last week from our inaugural picker for the 2016-2017 Philadelphia Eagles season. Chris Wheeler just BACK LEGGED it out of the park for us, successfully predicting the Eagles would defeat the Browns and cover the spread in week one.

That magnificent toupeed bastard looked middle in and absolutely crushed his prediction.

But we tread on, bringing in yet another special guest to make our picks in week 2. Will he or she be as spot on as Wheels was in week 1? We’ll see Monday night when the Eagles take on the Bears during Monday Night Football (ALLLLLLLL YOUR ROWDY FRIENDS ON MONDAY NIGHT) in week 2.

Here’s our record so far:

Win/Loss prediction record: 1-0

Against the spread: 1-0

But who have we brought in to make the week 2 pick? Will they keep the good times rolling?

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