What day is it? Why, it’s Friday the 13th day, sir! And as we are want to do at the Coggin, we take a moment to reflect on this glorious day and ask ourselves the age old question: “Which Philadelphia sports figure would survive if he or she found themselves in the Friday the 13th horror series?”
Jason Voorhees is out there, sharpening up that machete, loading his spear gun, and getting ready to crush some skulls.
Like all horror movie franchises well into their fourth sequel, we’re just cashing in right now and fully expect this to be terrible. We’re just doing it for the money at this point and really sticking it to our hardcore fans.
We did it earlier this year. We did it two years ago. And god damnit, since this is SUCH a successful franchise and we’re really only in it for the money, we’re going to do it again this year.
Today, of course, is Friday the 13th. Jason Voorhees is still out there, tightening his hockey mask, watching camp counselors skinny dip in the inviting waters of Camp Crystal Lake, and planning a long awaited visit to Philadelphia to hack and slash his way through the city of Brotherly Love.
For the third time, we ask the age old question: “Which Philadelphia sports figure would survive if he or she found themselves in the Friday the 13th horror series?”
Well guess what, it’s Friday the 13th and Jason Voorhees is out there, somewhere, in wait with his machete and shining up his hockey mask real nice to create some havoc in the City of Brotherly Love.
Like every great series, the sequel is BIGGER AND BETTER than the original, so let’s take a look at some Philadelphia sports figures and see if they would survive in a Friday the 13th movie, and if they don’t we’ll take a look at how they would meet their maker in a old-school 3D horror movie.
Philadelphia, PA – Maikel Franco of the Philadelphia Phillies has been downgraded to questionable for tonight’s game against the Cincinnati Reds because the young third baseman cannot be coaxed out from his bedroom after staying up all night watching the Friday the 13th series.
Franco was missing for his schedule morning batting cage session and would not return phone calls from manager Pete Mackanin or teammates. When several team representative showed up to his apartment, he had reportedly barricaded the door to his luxury apartment and would not answer the door for the rest of the day because “Jason was out there.”
Quick, everyone run into that abandoned hospital, we’ll be safe in there.
If there’s one thing we love at the Coggin Toboggan almost as much as we love Philadelphia sports, it’s horror movies. Today, of course, is Friday the 13th, the infamous date of one of the longest running horror franchises in movie history. Hell, we’re up to 11 original movies and a reboot, with more in sight, so why not take a look at some local Philadelphia sports figures and give our best estimations on whether or not they’d survive one of the Friday the 13th movies?
We’ll just run this down list style, and after taking a look at some of these losers I don’t think there’s going to be much of a chance for any of them.
We’ve given this a lot of thought and have really looked at the following figures and their intangibles, so lets see who will survive and who will die a gruesome, gruesome death.