Philadelphia

Rod Brind’Amour turns heel as he is honored by Flyers

Oh god, why Rod?!

Philadelphia, PA – A supposed night of closure and redemption turned into a night of true shock as Rod Brind’Amour turned heel and railed against the city that loved him so dearly.

The evening started off on a high note, as Flyers play-by-play man Jim Jackson introduced him to the roaring crowd.

Brind’Amour walked out of the tunnel after being announced, smiling and shaking hands with familiar faces. Jackson presented him with a “Brind’Amour Cup” and team dignitaries thanked him for his years of service to the team.

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Argument between Darren Sproles, Mark Sanchez gets ugly

hi-res-3c9dc8ab72ff1c764151e2269e9a0ed2_crop_north Philadelphia, PA -Adding another wrinkle to a horrendous season, Darren Sproles and Mark Sanchez had to be separated by Jason Peters at the end of yesterdays game as the two had a brief, but noticeable, argument on the field.

Snippets of the argument were caught by the high-powered NFL Films microphones on the sideline of the game.

The Coggin has the transcript:

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Philly sports talk prep sheets for Monday’s Eagles discussion

The Coggin Toboggan has received information from its sources at both sports talk station about tomorrow’s popular sports talk shows. We have received some very rough prep sheets about what each show will be discussing tomorrow.

Obviously these could change, so if not all of the items are touched on during the shows you’ll know why.

94 WIP

Morning Show

6 to 8 a.m. Chip Kelly needs to be fired. Horrible coach, one of the worst of all time.
Interview with Kelly at 8:10 a.m.
Chip Kelly is a great guy, one of the best and shouldn’t be fired.
9 a.m. cavalcade of young interns for Angelo Cataldi to creepily stare at.
9:59 to 10 a.m. Roundup of Flyers and 76ers news.

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Philadelphia Media Network suing its caviar provider

Caviar-on-mother-of-pearl-spoon Philadelphia, PA – Adding insult to injury for the beleaguered parent company of the struggling Philadelphia Inquirer and Daily News, the Philadelphia Media Network was forced to levy a lawsuit against its caviar provider for the “sub-par quality” of its salted fish eggs.

Philadelphia Media Network has the food shipped fresh, daily, to it’s offices on 8th and Market for the enjoyment of all the high-level officials at the company.

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76ers pumped to learn they actually get to keep jerseys

Philadelphia, PA – Despite losing their 12th game in a row to open the 2015-2016 NBA season, morale in the 76ers locker room remained high after Brett Brown informed the team they would indeed be allowed to keep their jerseys after the season ended.

“No fooling? You mean I get to keep this jersey? That is just way too cool!” 76ers rookie TJ McConnell said to Brown. “That is so killer! I’m going to wear this everywhere I go, awesome! It even has my last name on the back of it, just like the pros wear!”

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Eagles scouts frustrated at unexplained disappeance of long snapper replacements

Magic Man or occult specialist…you decide.

Philadelphia, PA – The Philadelphia Eagles are currently auditioning several replacements for longtime long snapper Jon Dorenbos after the veteran’s rough game this past Sunday. Chip Kelly criticized Dorenbos for two inaccurate snaps that led to a missed 32-yard field goal and a blocked punt.

However, scouts and front office officials are having a difficult time assessing the replacements, as each one has mysteriously disappeared from the practice field before their tryouts were completed.

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Sam Bradford planning to catch up on reading, injuries in next 2 weeks

111515-NFL-CRUNCH-TIME-EH-PI.vadapt.620.high.68 Philadelphia, PA – Despite suffering a concussion and a separated shoulder this past Sunday, Sam Bradford was upbeat about the next two weeks.

The young quarterback said he hates to miss games, but if he has to sit out for an injury he likes to make the most of his situation.

“Sometimes it’s good to be able to take a step back from a trying season, to take some time for yourself,” Bradford told reporters Wednesday morning.

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Ray Didinger: The Eagles are an affront to everything good in life

ray-didinger Philadelphia, PA – Ray Didinger, the normally calm and collected Hall of Fame football analyst, continued his whirlwind media freak-out tour after the Eagles lost to the lowly Miami Dolphins 20-19 this past Sunday.

Didinger harshly criticized Kelly on Sunday after the game when Kelly mentioned he was happy the team had run 88 plays during the course of the game.

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Sanchez inspires teammates with post-game players only talk, loses them all at last minute

Philadelphia, PA – Reports coming out of Lincoln Financial Field yesterday are saying Mark Sanchez held an inspiring players-only meeting after the Eagles 20-19 loss to the Miami Dolphins, rallying his teammates around him and inspiring faith in everyone who heard his speech, only to lose every single one of them before he could close out the meeting.

Reporters could only hear snippets of the discussion behind the closed locker room doors, but Sanchez’s voice could clearly be heard telling his teammates that “they needed to stay together now more than ever,” and “above all else, we are a family. We win, lose and die together as a family, and there’s nobody else in this world I would rather be with right now than you guys.”

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‘This is what you take seriously?’ wives say in unision throughout Delaware Valley

Philadelphia, PA – Thousands of wives throughout the Delaware Valley shook their heads in disbelief around 5 p.m. Sunday night as their husbands were still depressed an hour after the Eagles lost a heartbreaking game to the Miami Dolphins.

“Oh come on, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s just a game, are you really depressed about this?” the wives said, chuckling to themselves as they got up from the couches to leave their infuriated husbands alone to continue watching television. “You don’t see me getting upset about this stuff.”

Husbands everywhere struggled to contain their emotions, showing more anger and depression than they had in months over anything else.

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