What is up tobogganites? By the time you read this I’ll either be sitting in an outpatient surgery center or drooling on myself in a propofol induced slumber as some quack doctor shoves an endoscope down my esophagus.
Now before you fret, know that my doctor told me that his initial diagnosis for me was “Wahhhh your tum tum hurts” so I’m not too worried about what he’s going to find.
Public enemy #1 at the Wells Fargo Center.
Philadelphia, PA – Scott O’Neil, Chief Executive Officer of the Philadelphia 76ers, said the team has been forced to create a “Howard Eskin free zone” around the Wells Fargo Center following the media personality’s rant on Twitter about the state of the franchise.
The 76ers perhaps took a page out of the University of Missouri’s playbook, where representatives ironically created a media-free “safe space” for student protesters, despite it being located in a public area.
“We need to be able to do our jobs without the distraction of Howard Eskin. Did you see how many tweets he levied my way this afternoon? I don’t know what to do,” a visibly shaken O’Neil said.
Philadelphia, PA – Matt Klentak, new GM for the Philadelphia Phillies, made his first official move Monday afternoon as he announced the hiring of Jon Runyan to serve as his personal assistant and escort.
Runyan, a former member of Congress and offensive lineman for the Philadelphia Eagles, will step into the position immediately.
Several baseball analysts questioned the move as “puzzling,” but pointed to the hire as potentially mirroring the plot of the early 1980s high school movie “My Bodyguard,” starring Matt Dillon and Adam Baldwin.
Philadelphia, PA – Howard Eskin’s bid to run for the Mayor of Philadelphia took a big hit yesterday, as the 94 WIP sports talk host was embroiled in a massive undercover sting at the Hilton on Penn’s Landing.
The man who claims he’s never had a bad day in his life certainly had a difficult one yesterday, as grainy black and white video cameras captured him speaking with an undercover Philadelphia police officer posing as a fur salesman.
The evidence is quite damning, as Eskin discusses the purchase of several faux fur coats with the undercover officer.
“Now this one right here is made of rat fur, but it looks exactly like chinchilla. Nobody will ever know the difference and I could let it go for about $100,” the officer tells Eskin, who nods in appreciation as he feels the fur of the garment.
For the past week I’ve been traveling for work and I’ve quickly found that trying to update this blog while on the road is extremely difficult. I’m sure most of you who actually read this blog have noticed it too, since most of what I’ve written is garbage and just out of necessity to get something on the page each day.
If I wasn’t lazy I would delete the Jeremy Affeldt/City of Philadelphia article published yesterday. It’s garbage and not funny.
Currently I’m slogging through the last (merciful) hour of this convention and looking back on topics I wanted to write about this week, but my fried brain just couldn’t put anything together.
Philadelphia, PA – Mystery is still surrounding the injury status of Eagles inside linebacker Kiko Alonso, who has yet to be officially ruled out of Sunday’s game against the Washington Redskins despite undergoing an emergency amputation of his injured leg.
While having his knee scoped by Dr. James Andrews, the esteemed doctor detected massive amounts of necrosis and infection in his injured left knee and had to order an immediate amputation of the linebackers leg just above his banged up keen.
“Well, we’re going to see with Kiko. He may be able to rehab the injury, he may have to get additional surgery. We’re just not sure where he is right now,” Chip Kelly said before Thursday’s practice.
Josh Innes doing his best Spike Eskin impersonation.
Have you ever wanted to listen to a sports talk radio show with three hosts, where one speaks for about 90% of the on-air time, the second gamely tries to play along with whatever antics are planned for day, and the third over laughs at EVERY SINGLE JOKE said during the four-hour program?
Well ladies and gentlemen, the newly (re-re-RE) formatted 94 WIP mid-day show is for you!