Matt Barkley

Matt Barkley vows to defeat Tim Tebow in saddest quarterback competition of all time

This is the face of a determined third string quarterback.

This is the face of a determined third string quarterback.

Philadelphia, PA – Said in front of one half-paying attention member of the media and an intern with the Drexel Triangle, Matt Barkley vowed he would beat out Tim Tebow for the third string quarterback position on the roster in the most depressing offseason story of the year so far.

Fans throughout the Delaware Valley agreed this is “much, much worse” than Lesean McCoy’s accusations of Chip Kelly being a racist.

In a recent straw poll conducted by Philly.com, 80% of respondents claimed they would rather read old game summaries from the 2004 season over Barkley vs. Tebow, 15% claimed they would rather watch Howard Eskin pick out a new fur coat and 5% claimed they would rather drink a glass of Marcus Hayes’ neck sweat than pay attention to this nonsense.

Defiant in the face of adversity, Barkley said he definitely had far fewer passes chucked at the feet of wide open receivers than Tebow. He also pointed to the fact that head coach Chip Kelly had asked him to get him a cup of coffee over Tebow near the tail end of the morning session.

“Did you see when I threw one of the practice footballs to Mark (Sanchez) from the sideline? That had to be at least 15 yards out and I threw it way, way over his head. It didn’t come close to him. Shows off my arm strength,” Barkley told Jennifer McThompson, sophomore journalism major at Drexel University and sports contributor to the school’s paper The Triangle.

McThompson promised she would try to get her profile of Barkley on the front page of the paper if her interview with “Philly Jesus” fell through.

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Les Bowen furious Eagles organization didn’t invite him to team shower after playground build

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It’s outrageous that I not have access to team showers.

Philadelphia, PA – Citing his frustration at the new Eagles front office regime, Les Bowen took to Twitter yesterday and publicly voiced his opinion on how much more difficult it is to cover the players’ showers after games and public functions under Chip Kelly’s leadership.

Bowen was furious the organization did not allow him access to the team’s shower after a Wednesday afternoon community service event, where several players on the team roster had constructed a playground for Philadelphia children.

“Just another example of how truly frustrating it is to try and do my job,” Bowen said on Twitter.

“How can I do my job properly if I can’t speak to Connor Barwin while he’s soaping his biceps and lower back after a sweaty day’s work?” Bowen tweeted, continuing his rant on the public media forum.

The Daily News beat writer lashed out at several of his followers as they questioned his need to actually attend the group showers to effectively write about the team and its chances for next year.

“If you know of a better way to cover this team where I’m not naked and wet with the players, I’d like to hear it,” he posted.

Bowen then posted several images on his Twitter feed from his showers with several players on the roster from year’s past.

“I need to be able to cover this team to the best of my ability. If that doesn’t involve Matt Barkley scrubbing my back, then I can’t do my job.”