Howard Eskin

Undercover sting may derail Howard Eskin’s potential run for mayor

Philadelphia, PA – Howard Eskin’s bid to run for the Mayor of Philadelphia took a big hit yesterday, as the 94 WIP sports talk host was embroiled in a massive undercover sting at the Hilton on Penn’s Landing.

The man who claims he’s never had a bad day in his life certainly had a difficult one yesterday, as grainy black and white video cameras captured him speaking with an undercover Philadelphia police officer posing as a fur salesman.

The evidence is quite damning, as Eskin discusses the purchase of several faux fur coats with the undercover officer.

“Now this one right here is made of rat fur, but it looks exactly like chinchilla. Nobody will ever know the difference and I could let it go for about $100,” the officer tells Eskin, who nods in appreciation as he feels the fur of the garment.

(more…)

Hitting the wall and hitting it hard (random thoughts about this past week)

For the past week I’ve been traveling for work and I’ve quickly found that trying to update this blog while on the road is extremely difficult. I’m sure most of you who actually read this blog have noticed it too, since most of what I’ve written is garbage and just out of necessity to get something on the page each day.

If I wasn’t lazy I would delete the Jeremy Affeldt/City of Philadelphia article published yesterday. It’s garbage and not funny.

Currently I’m slogging through the last (merciful) hour of this convention and looking back on topics I wanted to write about this week, but my fried brain just couldn’t put anything together.

(more…)

Kiko Alonso undergoes leg amputation, questionable for Sunday’s game

Philadelphia, PA – Mystery is still surrounding the injury status of Eagles inside linebacker Kiko Alonso, who has yet to be officially ruled out of Sunday’s game against the Washington Redskins despite undergoing an emergency amputation of his injured leg.

While having his knee scoped by Dr. James Andrews, the esteemed doctor detected massive amounts of necrosis and infection in his injured left knee and had to order an immediate amputation of the linebackers leg just above his banged up keen.

“Well, we’re going to see with Kiko. He may be able to rehab the injury, he may have to get additional surgery. We’re just not sure where he is right now,” Chip Kelly said before Thursday’s practice.

(more…)

The Josh Innes, Spike Eskin, and Hollis Thomas show! (An assessment)

Josh Innes doing his best Spike Eskin impersonation.

Have you ever wanted to listen to a sports talk radio show with three hosts, where one speaks for about 90% of the on-air time, the second gamely tries to play along with whatever antics are planned for day, and the third over laughs at EVERY SINGLE JOKE said during the four-hour program?

Well ladies and gentlemen, the newly (re-re-RE) formatted 94 WIP mid-day show is for you!

(more…)

Editor’s Note: Call me Mr. Positivity

Yay sports!

A reader of the site told me today he’s noticed the Coggin Toboggan is nothing more than a hotbed of negativity, snark and depressing article after depressing article making fun of the Philadelphia sports scene.

Personally, I just don’t see it. Does he have a point? I don’t think so, but in order to be fair and to serve all of our readership, I figured I would dedicate an entire article to all the positive aspects of Philadelphia sports we as fans should not take for granted.

Sure, all of our teams right now are middling at best and this summer will be a wasteland of hard to watch baseball, manned by one of the most incompetent GMs in all of sports, but there ARE things we can enjoy in our sports scene. Why don’t we take a look, shall we?

(more…)

Matt Barkley vows to defeat Tim Tebow in saddest quarterback competition of all time

This is the face of a determined third string quarterback.

Philadelphia, PA – Said in front of one half-paying attention member of the media and an intern with the Drexel Triangle, Matt Barkley vowed he would beat out Tim Tebow for the third string quarterback position on the roster in the most depressing offseason story of the year so far.

Fans throughout the Delaware Valley agreed this is “much, much worse” than Lesean McCoy’s accusations of Chip Kelly being a racist.

In a recent straw poll conducted by Philly.com, 80% of respondents claimed they would rather read old game summaries from the 2004 season over Barkley vs. Tebow, 15% claimed they would rather watch Howard Eskin pick out a new fur coat and 5% claimed they would rather drink a glass of Marcus Hayes’ neck sweat than pay attention to this nonsense.

Defiant in the face of adversity, Barkley said he definitely had far fewer passes chucked at the feet of wide open receivers than Tebow. He also pointed to the fact that head coach Chip Kelly had asked him to get him a cup of coffee over Tebow near the tail end of the morning session.

“Did you see when I threw one of the practice footballs to Mark (Sanchez) from the sideline? That had to be at least 15 yards out and I threw it way, way over his head. It didn’t come close to him. Shows off my arm strength,” Barkley told Jennifer McThompson, sophomore journalism major at Drexel University and sports contributor to the school’s paper The Triangle.

McThompson promised she would try to get her profile of Barkley on the front page of the paper if her interview with “Philly Jesus” fell through.

Ruben Amaro Jr: I was misquoted

Philadelphia, PA – Perhaps looking for some damage control a day after a conversation with Jim Salisbury, Ruben Amaro Jr. took to the airwaves on Philadelphia media and claimed the CSN Philly reporter severely misquoted him in the now infamous story where Amaro said fans don’t understand the game.

He first claimed he was misquoted Monday morning, in an on-air appearance with WIP host Howard Eskin.

“Howard, I never said the fans ‘don’t understand the game,’ that’s just not true,” Amaro said. “What I really told Jim Salisbury is that I don’t understand how 99% of the mouth-breathing fans in this town can support a family when they’re this fucking stupid and inept.”

Eskin abruptly turned off Amaro’s microphone and quickly ended the segment, going into a hasty live read for Steven Singer. Even though is microphone was off, Amaro could be heard in the background over Eskin complaining that “If these retarded fans think Nola is going to turn this shipwreck around, they should take a long walk off a short pier.”

Amaro continued his apology tour, appearing on 97.5 The Fanatic with Mike Missanelli in the afternoon.

“As I said earlier, Mike, I was misquote. I never said the fans ‘bitch and complain because we don’t have a plan.’ I would never say this,” Amaro said. “No, I actually said I get tired of hearing these inbred morons bitching and complaining about their pathetic lives when they’re in MY stadium, when they should be drinking themselves to death and spending money in our concession stands. Fuck these pieces of garbage. How DARE they insult Ruben, I am a god in this horrific town.”

Missanelli was too busy daydreaming about his cat to dump out of Amaro’s tantrum and was immediately released from his contract at the end of the show.

As of press time, Amaro Jr. flipped off a number of booing fans outside of The Fanatic and was pulled over after running a red light. He was charged to the fullest extent of the law, much to the delight of everyone in Philadelphia and South Jersey.

NFL: Pope Francis visit to Philadelphia altered Eagles schedule

Philadelphia, PA – As the NFL schedule for the Philadelphia Eagles was released yesterday, an interesting wrinkle faced by the schedulers was revealed this morning. The Eagles 2015-2016 schedule was directly altered by Pope Francis’ visit to the city of brotherly love in September, as the leader of the Christian world declared there was “absolutely no way” he would be in the same city as the New York Jets during his worldwide tour.

Philadelphia Cardinal Justin Francis Rigali sent the NFL a letter, respectfully asking the Eagles not play a home game during week 3 of the season during the Pope’s visit.

“There is enough suffering in the world that I have to see and attend to when I’m traveling, I don’t need my mood darkened by a third rate NFL team in my presence,” Pope Francis said in a letter to the NFL earlier this year.

Citing their lack of an NFL caliber quarterback, two washed up running backs and the “insanity of bringing back Revis,” Pope Francis declared the Jets to be an absolute train wreck.

In addition to the Jets not being allowed in Philadelphia during his presence, Pope Francis also asked that several other people and organizations not be in the city during his visit:

– “Please remove Howard Eskin from the city confines during my trip. I don’t need to hear his nonsense on the radio or even on Twitter.”

– “The less I see of Ruben Amaro Jr., the better, believe me.”

– “Sam Bradford may stay, but please tell him to stop sending me letters to heal his ailments. There’s only so much I can do during my trip.”

As of press time, Howard Eskin and 55 of his fur coats were dumped over Philadelphia city lines by Philadelphia Police and told not to come back until October.

It’s Friday the 13th. Who would be doomed? (hint: everyone)

Quick, everyone run into that abandoned hospital, we’ll be safe in there.

If there’s one thing we love at the Coggin Toboggan almost as much as we love Philadelphia sports, it’s horror movies. Today, of course, is Friday the 13th, the infamous date of one of the longest running horror franchises in movie history. Hell, we’re up to 11 original movies and a reboot, with more in sight, so why not take a look at some local Philadelphia sports figures and give our best estimations on whether or not they’d survive one of the Friday the 13th movies?

We’ll just run this down list style, and after taking a look at some of these losers I don’t think there’s going to be much of a chance for any of them.

We’ve given this a lot of thought and have really looked at the following figures and their intangibles, so lets see who will survive and who will die a gruesome, gruesome death.

(more…)

Chip Kelly’s plan apparently to give Angelo Cataldi a massive stroke

When The Coggin Toboggan wants to get serious it turns its coverage over to its editor and founder to bring everything to a screeching halt. Goodbye funny, say hello to self pity and depression.

Here at the CT, we are big fans of the moves the Eagles are making (not so much the decision to not re-sign Maclin, but everything else is going fairly well). They all make sense financially, talent wise, and show a desire from the franchise to explore new options instead of doing the same things over and over again.

An added benefit of the bevy of roster moves being made by the Eagles is the effect they will have on the local media, especially one Angelo Cataldi.

We’re not huge fans of the notorious flip flopper and anything that will take an extra step into handing him a massive stroke is just fine by us.

He’s been on the air for a few hours by now. Is his speech slurred? Has he been nonsensical? Ahh perfect.

In other media news, Howard Eskin tweeted this out at 9 p.m. Sunday evening.

That’s about an hour after the news of Maclin’s plans to sign with the Chiefs was all over Twitter. Really not breaking any news there Howard.

Also, note the twitter handle. Yeah, that’s not Jeremy Maclin’s. It’s this fellows.

That’s some great reporting, Howard.