Puppy Bowl survey shows fans believe Cam Scootin’ disrespects the game

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Cam Scootin’ of the Carolina Pawthers has been a powder keg of controversy this entire Puppy Bowl season.

A national survey conducted by Langer Research Associates, on behalf of The Coggin Toboggan, shows fans greatly dislike 6-month old black lab Puppy Bowl participant Cam Scootin’ and his perceived “uppity” attitude towards the game.

Cam Scootin’, quarterback for the Carolina Pawthers, has been a divisive figure for the media and fans during the Puppy Bowl season. Known for his trademark frolicking and face licking after touchdowns, Cam Scootin’s proponents have said the criticism facing the talented puppy is mainly related to his breed.

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Special Guest Columnist OJ Simpson: This show is so fake!

The Juice has gotten a bad rap as of late.

Hey everybody, it’s your good pal Juice checking in with my fans and letting everyone know that I’m still doing ok in Lovelock Correctional Center and I’m getting by day by day. I’m still the same old Juice. I love watching golf, I love watching my Buffalo Bills, and I’m still looking for the real killer of Nicole even though I’m behind bars after an unfortunate altercation with a memorabilia seeking fan.

But The Juice has been down in the dumps recently. Do you know why? Well, old Juice pulled a few strings and got a special showing of The People vs. O.J. Simpson in my cell last night. You’d think that would have put Juice in a better mood, wouldn’t you? I mean, I was hoping the show would shed some light on how The Juice got a bad rap, but all it did was further along some old tropes and hackneyed cliches about my unfortunate run in with the law.

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Marcus Hayes: Steve Avery killed Teresa Halbach because he didn’t have a good point guard

Preparing to share a terrible opinion on Philly Sports Talk Live.

Philadelphia, PA – Human sweat-stain Marcus Hayes, appearing on Philly Sports Talk Live, had obviously finished “Making a Murderer” over the weekend as he tied the documentary series into a rambling, incoherent argument about how Ish Smith could have prevented Jahlil Okafor from getting into several altercations in Boston.

Pouring sweat down his jowls, Hayes said “the veteran leadership of Ish Smith would have stopped Okafor from having altercations, when out in public.”

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Pete Gas of the Mean Street Posse opens up about the WWE and Shane McMahon

Pete Gasparino aka Pete Gas.

Pete Gasparino, aka Pete Gas, wrestled in sweater vests and khakis as part of the Mean Street Posse for three years with the WWE during the heyday of the attitude era. Gasparino and friend Rodney Leinhardt were brought into the organization by Shane McMahon, son of WWE Owner Vincent McMahon, and paired with independent wrestler Joey Abs to form “The Mean Street Posse.”

Based partly on Gasparino and Leinhardt’s real life friendship with Shane, the Mean Street Posse wrestled for WWE from 1999 to 2001, feuding with Hall of Famers like the APA and with Crash Holly over the WWE Hardcore Belt.

Oh sweet Jesus did I hate the Mean Street Posse when I was 15 and firmly entrenched in professional wrestling. Their smarmy attitudes, their ring gear, their oddly catchy reggae infused entrance theme, they were the WORST.

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Despite overwhelming evidence, NFL reps deny existence of Chronic Traumatic Apathy in Pro Bowl participants

CTA affects so many NFL Pro Bowl Participants.

Honolulu, Hawaii – The NFL is facing a new medical controversy leading up to Super Bowl 50, as league representatives were forced to release a statement denying the existence of Chronic Traumatic Apathy in Pro Bowl Participants.

Symptoms of CTA include general malaise, missed tackles, jogging, lack of blocking effort, and can often be confused with massive hangovers and/or contempt at having to play a pointless football game before the Super Bowl.

“There’s no evidence that Chronic Traumatic Apathy, or CTA, is real. We were very proud of the results from yesterday’s Pro Bowl and we were happy with the level of competitiveness exhibited throughout,” NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said.

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Nicki Minaj apparently dating Jerry Colangelo

"The Other Woman" - Los Angeles Premiere - Arrivals Philadelphia, PA – After being spotted at the previous 76ers game, Nicki Minaj has been hanging around the 76ers offices at the Wells Fargo Center without boyfriend Meek Mill and has reportedly been spotted canoodling with Chairman of Basketball Operations Jerry Colangelo.

The 76-year-old Colangelo and 33-year-old singer Minaj were seen splitting a hot corn beef on rye sandwich at the Wells Fargo commissary, drinking sanka and smoking a bag of endo outside of Colangelo’s office.

The pairing has surprised many in the organization.

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Friends, family of Dennis Rodman hoping Wing Bowl appearance serves as final wake-up call

Has he reached his lowest point?

Philadelphia, PA – Dennis Rodman, known partier, alcoholic, and friend of North Korean despot Kim Jong-Un, was confirmed today as a special guest for Wing Bowl 24 by WIP Morning Show host Angelo Cataldi.

Many close friends and family members of Rodman hope this will serve as a wake-up call for the Hall of Fame basketball player and show him how far he’s sunk.

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VORACEK GOES TOP TITS!…by some Bro from the Epsilon House

Do it for Jake, Sully.

OH MY GOD, SULLY, DID YOU FUCKING SEE THAT? Sully, put down your Bud Plat, did you fucking see that son? Jake Voracek just TOTALLY WENT TOP TITS to win the game!

I know it’s 2 for 1 at the Tap and Cap and you’ve got your mind on some prime trim from the Gamma house, but you’ve got to look at this SWEET goal by Jake the Snake! He just hustled up, got the puck from the board, spun around, and totally made some dude on the Caps his bitch buy burying a goal TOP TITS and winning the game for the Fly Guys.

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Phillies sign infielder just like-a momma used to make

A real calamad.

Philadelphia, PA – The Phillies announced a deal this morning with 19-year-old Italian professional baseball player Leonardo Colagrossi, a move any kookalamanza would approve of, capiche?

Colagrossi, described as a “real meatball” by a member of the Phillies scouting team, reportedly kissed his momma on the cheek after hearing the news and immediately bought $25,000 worth of gold chains to celebrate and a pink Chevy Chevelle.

He then reportedly watched The Godfather part I and II several times in a row and had a hearty lunch of bread and olive oil.

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BREAKING NEWS: Frank ‘The Animal’ Bialowas takes over 97.5 Morning Show by force

Frank “The Animal” Bialowas, in happier times.

The 97.5 Fanatic offices are currently in a complete lockdown, as Frank “The Animal” Bialowas has taken over the Morning Show after ruthlessly beating host Anthony Gargano and humiliating co-host Jon Marks after the mid-90s Phantoms goon took offense to a comment made on-air during his appearance.

Bialowas’s appearance started off amiably, with Gargano tossing him several softball questions about his playing days and queries about “if he was a true lover of incredible meats or Anthony’s Coal Fire Pizza.”

The interview, however, took an ugly turn after Gargano brought up a rumor that has dogged Bialowas since his playing days.

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