Phillies sign infielder just like-a momma used to make

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A real calamad.

Philadelphia, PA – The Phillies announced a deal this morning with 19-year-old Italian professional baseball player Leonardo Colagrossi, a move any kookalamanza would approve of, capiche?

Colagrossi, described as a “real meatball” by a member of the Phillies scouting team, reportedly kissed his momma on the cheek after hearing the news and immediately bought $25,000 worth of gold chains to celebrate and a pink Chevy Chevelle.

He then reportedly watched The Godfather part I and II several times in a row and had a hearty lunch of bread and olive oil.

The young prospect heard of the deal while sitting on the stoop of his apartment with his Uncle Vinny, Uncle Mike, Uncle Vito, Uncle Clemenza, Uncle Sonny, Uncle Tessio, Uncle Anthony, Uncle Antonello, Uncle Danny, Uncle Alberto, Uncle Angelo, Uncle Christopher and Cousin Steve. The group had been sitting on the stoop for several hours during prime work hours, trying to pick up on women, and all wearing matching white wife-beaters and Italian horn chains.

Colagrossi cited his stellar play on his gaguzzalongas and years of eating his mothers braggiole and gravy.

“Ahhh it’s a blessing you know, I guess they made me an offer I couldn’t refuse,” Colagrossi said, flanked by 55 of his closest family members. “Hopefully mama can cook me up a some of that sauce that I love so dear and pack plenty of gabagool and moozarell in my duffel bag for when I go to play in America. Bada bing!”

He then chided a young cousin of his for being a “buttagotz” and told a reporter to “fuhgeddabout it.”

At press time, Colagrossi had packed a trunk filled to the brim with veal chops and red wine and was waiting for the next steamer ship to America.

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