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Phillies sign infielder just like-a momma used to make


A real calamad.

Philadelphia, PA – The Phillies announced a deal this morning with 19-year-old Italian professional baseball player Leonardo Colagrossi, a move any kookalamanza would approve of, capiche?

Colagrossi, described as a “real meatball” by a member of the Phillies scouting team, reportedly kissed his momma on the cheek after hearing the news and immediately bought $25,000 worth of gold chains to celebrate and a pink Chevy Chevelle.

He then reportedly watched The Godfather part I and II several times in a row and had a hearty lunch of bread and olive oil.