BREAKING NEWS: Frank ‘The Animal’ Bialowas takes over 97.5 Morning Show by force


Frank “The Animal” Bialowas, in happier times.

The 97.5 Fanatic offices are currently in a complete lockdown, as Frank “The Animal” Bialowas has taken over the Morning Show after ruthlessly beating host Anthony Gargano and humiliating co-host Jon Marks after the mid-90s Phantoms goon took offense to a comment made on-air during his appearance.

Bialowas’s appearance started off amiably, with Gargano tossing him several softball questions about his playing days and queries about “if he was a true lover of incredible meats or Anthony’s Coal Fire Pizza.”

The interview, however, took an ugly turn after Gargano brought up a rumor that has dogged Bialowas since his playing days.

“We used to hear you couldn’t skate backwards when you played for the Phantoms. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you skate backwards, did you ever learn or were you too busy with those Funcoland commercials, cuz?” a chuckling Gargano said.

An unamused Bialowas said nothing before grabbing Gargano’s shirt, ripping it over his head and laying him out with several uppercuts to the chin.

“I’VE BEEN HEARING THAT BULLSHIT SINCE 1997, I COULD SKATE BACKWARDS!” He screamed at the motionless Gargano, before turning his attention to Marks. “You want some of this, pretty boy? I didn’t think so.”

Bialowas pushed the motionless Gargano off of his chair and got behind the show mic, and instructed Marks to run the board “if he knew what was good for him.”

Bialowas has been manning the Morning Show for the past hour, taking calls and discussing key issues in the Philadelphia sports scene with marked professionalism.

“Sam Bradford? Not a fan of the longterm deal for him. You could roll the dice and slap the franchise tag on him and draft his replacement this year, but that throws you into an even deeper quagmire. Coming up on 97.5 The Fanatic, we’ve got our weekly discussion with Baldy and we’ll be talking all things Eagles,” Bialowas said, before kicking Gargano in the gut.

At press time, a Philadelphia SWAT team was attempting to break down the studio doors as Bialowas skillfully made his way through a live-read about Cheerleaders gentlemen’s club, his feet resting comfortably on Gargano’s motionless corpse.

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