I fucking hate Evan Turner

HI top fadeEvery so often, the CT will check in with 76ers sensation Nerlens Noel and his signature hi-top fade haircut to get his take on the season so far. We at CT take no responsibility for the opinions of the hi-top or his world views. On to today’s edition:

Current record: 6-39

I know its been a while since I took the time to talk to everyone, but losing takes a lot out of you. It really does, but when you lose to a piece of garbage like Evan Turner you need to get a few things off your chest.

Evan Turner is the worst. Just the absolute worst. The dumb hitch in his shot, the bevy of low percentage shots, and the garbage, patchy hobo beard he’s enjoyed for the past two years. Losing to him last night was the icing on the shit cake that has been the last two seasons playing for the Philadelphia 76ers.

I get it. Outside of myself, Jahlil, and, well, nobody else this team sucks. Plain and simple. Maybe if we get Simmons next year and this piece of Eurotrash actually plays for us and doesn’t let his daddy get in the way will be nothing but good.

What is with this team and having so many daddy issues? Jahlil’s dad needs to just pipe down and stop playing armchair coach. Stop living through your kid, he’s a big boy.

We need to suck, which is awful. Nobody wants to be the 7th seed in the east and lose in four games. It’s pathetic. I get it, our fans get it, but it doesn’t make losing night in and night out any easier.

Especially when it comes to losing to that potato head mutant Evan Turner. If only Furkan was still here, he could have slipped Turner one of his deadly Turkish tinctures and had him lose all bodily functions for a day or two. I miss that crazy Turkish bastard. He would have at least cold cocked ET with a well placed elbow to the throat.

 

 

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