Bristol, Conn – A two-part interview with Greg Hardy on ESPN did not go particularly well for the embattled defensive end, as the young athlete blatantly winked at the camera numerous times during his discussion with ESPN’s Adam Schefter.
Hardy, who was suspended the first four games of last season due to allegedly beating his girlfriend Nicole Holden last year, perhaps agreed to the interview as a way to rehab his public image.
We struggled to figure out what to write on the blog today. Another post about Villanova? No thanks. Something about the Flyers and their march to the playoffs? Nah. The 76ers winning their 10th game of the season? The 25 remaining Sixers fans in this city would be annoyed and go to Facebook to complain.
So we really decided to dig deep and flex our journalistic muscle. We want to make a difference and write posts that people in this city will read and think about for the rest of their day.
So, here is a complete list of things we think Eagles Head Coach Doug Pederson’s weird head looks like.
Photo credit: @McDanielJustine on Twitter.
Villanova, PA – Thousands of Villanova students flocked from the Pavilion onto Lancaster Avenue Monday night after the Wildcats dispatched the Tarheels 77-74 on a buzzer beating 3-point shot by Kris Jenkins for their first NCAA championship since 1985.
Police in riot gear thronged the campus as thousands of students celebrated and set a massive bonfire about an hour into the festivities. The wanton destruction was described as “incredibly classy” by the onlooking officers.
The drunken revelers celebrated long into the night, under the watchful eye of Philadelphia police.
Philadelphia, PA – Following a grueling 6-2 loss to the Cincinnati Reds, in which the Phillies took a 2-1 lead into the bottom of the eighth, the City of Philadelphia was thrilled when it realized it no longer had to pay any attention to the organization for the rest of the year.
The loss diminished any shred of hope for a positive season of any kind, a record for the organization after just one game played.
Larry Brown looking to be in fine fettle.
A decrepit Larry Brown hoisted his living corpse from his eternal slumber to call into the 97.5 FM Morning Show and predict a Villanova victory in the NCAA championship match up against UNC.
The SMU coach cackled into his telephone as he provided his analysis of the championship game to host Anthony Gargano.
This man knows one thing…college basketball.
Robert Durst, member of the famed Durst real estate family in New York City, is back to help us pick March Madness games in 2016. His resume was quite impressive, as he noted that he served as ESPN’s primary basketball handicapper for several years in the early 1980s and 2000s.
Durst has run afoul of the law since last year, but he’s assured us that it is only a “misunderstanding” and he’ll soon be cleared of all charges. Franky, we can’t see why this affable and charming man has been jailed in the first place!
He’s assured us that he has had no prior run ins with the law before the difficulties last year.
For this week’s predictions, law enforcement officials have graciously allowed Mr. Durst to travel to the Coggin Toboggan offices to give his predictions in person.
Typically charging an arm and a leg for his services, Durst has slashed his prices for the Toboggan and will be checking in before each round to give his unique take on the upcoming games.
Boston, Mass. – Citing his recent poor performance as a first base coach, Boston Red Sox GM Mike Hazen said a decision has been made to demote Ruben Amaro Jr. to the position of bat boy for the first month of the season.
“We hope Ruben will gain some much needed experience and we’ll evaluate his status with the team after April,” Hazen said.
When asked what led to the demotion, Hazen said it was several moments during Spring Training that stood out to the organization, namely Amaro’s habit of defending his decision to not use advanced statistics during his tenure as the Phillies GM.
I’ll admit it, I’ve hit a wall. HIT IT. After more than 15 straight months of being the only writer on this stupid website, I’m running on empty.
So I’ll be taking a few days off for vacation (aka heroin rehab).
Luckily, several Philadelphia media personalities (and maybe even a few special guests!) we’ve written about in the past have agreed to step in, pick up the slack and write us some guest columns. It’s really nice of them to donate their time to us after we’ve mocked them in the past.
(They really haven’t, but if you can’t pick up on that you’re a moron)
We’ve given them carte blanche to write about anything they want, so please enjoy.
Up next, the greatest mascot in all of sports and a Coggin Toboggan favorite (can’t believe we got him!) the Philadelphia Phanatic!
Huge fan of our next special guest columnist.
::The Phanatic stomps out to raucous applause before feigning surprise at the attention. Holding up his furry fingers, he reveals a baseball helmet with Mike Missanelli’s picture on it and smashes it to pieces with a gigantic sledgehammer.
He then moves on to a delightful bald man and stands above him and shines his scalp for several minutes, really buffing out that dome with his jersey.
Clomping up to the broadcast booth with a huge tub of popcorn, he “accidentally” spills the entire contents on a visiting Chris Wheeler, who plays along like he enjoys the Phanatic’s antics but is secretly seething on the inside.
The Phanatic ends his column by sticking out his tongue at a visiting Mets fan and clomps his way into the back room.
I’ll admit it, I’ve hit a wall. HIT IT. After more than 15 straight months of being the only writer on this stupid website, I’m running on empty.
So I’ll be taking a few days off for vacation (aka heroin rehab).
Luckily, several Philadelphia media personalities (and maybe even a few special guests!) we’ve written about in the past have agreed to step in, pick up the slack and write us some guest columns. It’s really nice of them to donate their time to us after we’ve mocked them in the past.
(They really haven’t, but if you can’t pick up on that you’re a moron)
We’ve given them carte blanche to write about anything they want, so please enjoy.
Up next, Bill Simmons aka The Sports Guy.
Hey guys. I woke up this morning thinking about the Boston Celtics. Now, hear me out, I know I usually don’t write about Boston sports, but this will have a point, believe me.
I fell asleep last night watching Hoosiers while sobbing quietly into my pillow as I thought back to the Patriots playoff loss against Denver (Tom Brady is the GOAT, just like Billy Zabka in the Karate Kid and Back to School), and in between threats of divorce from my wife I realized I royally screwed up.
I realized I screwed up more than the horrendous decision to cast Jimmy Fallon in “Fever Pitch” (could have been a top tier movie if they had cast my boy Ben Affleck, the guy can at least do a Boston accent).
You know how I screwed up? Well, I’m trying to get my site off the ground and I opened up an old email and was shocked. I was more shocked than when Mickey died in Rocky III (Rocky V never happened), and if you know me, that means I was truly shocked to my core.
I saw an email from a buddy of mine who forwarded me an article from some website called “The Coggin Toboggan” where their editor offered me a job when Grantland got shut down.
No big deal, right? WRONG. I started to read some of the site and I realized that I had made the biggest mistake of my life.
The site was hilarious. Funnier than my buddy J-Sock after one of our fantasy football drafts.
And when I emailed them, begging for an opportunity? They told me I could write this guest column and would possibly let me write more in the future, but the offer had been rescinded.
Biggest mistake of my life. I knew, at that moment, that I was a born loser. Just like my beloved Boston Celtics (remember them? I mentioned them at the top of this column and now I’m loosely trying to connect a weak theme throughout the article. It’s one of my trademarks) I’m a born loser.
White Shadow White Shadow White Shadow, Back to School and Caddyshack, New England Patriots and gambling. Vegas baby!
So yeah, go to my new website, The Ringer, but just realize that I wish I was writing for the Coggin Toboggan instead of running that piece of garbage.
Go Red Sox!
I’ll admit it, I’ve hit a wall. HIT IT. After more than 15 straight months of being the only writer on this stupid website, I’m running on empty.
So I’ll be taking a few days off for vacation (aka heroin rehab).
Luckily, several Philadelphia media personalities (and maybe even a few special guests!) we’ve written about in the past have agreed to step in, pick up the slack and write us some guest columns. It’s really nice of them to donate their time to us after we’ve mocked them in the past.
(They really haven’t, but if you can’t pick up on that you’re a moron)
We’ve given them carte blanche to write about anything they want, so please enjoy.
Up next, John Smallwood of the Daily News.
Not sure why I agreed to partiipate (sic) and waste my variable (sic) time by writing a column for a cooking blog (editor’s note: not what the blog is, or has even been, about) that has trashed my writhing (sic) so much in the past.
I am a professional, ok? Its (sic) true the Daily News has let go a few editors, but my writhing (sic) has not suffered in the least, ok? The least.
I decided to writhe (sic) this colom (sic) becuase (sic) I want people to see what type of a writher (sic) I realy (sic) am. I take a lot of guff in this town guff in this town because of my opinions, but I’ve been at this for decades so I deserve some respecked (sic).
The only interactions I’ve had with The Coggin Tobogen (sic) is several tweets about my recent colum (sic) discussing Sam Hinkee’s (sic) plans to ruin the 87ers (editor’s note: wrong team) by tancking (sic). I feel I was able to defned (sic) myself appropriately.
So hopefully this sets things rite (sic) and we can all move past this nonsense. Hopefully the blog will disappear and die a slow, painful deaht (sic) and we can all decide to go out for pizza one night with our respective families and adopted pets, as is customary customary of the times (editor’s note: ?)
So that is why I’ve decided to go to Applebees tonight for dinner. Thank you all for coming and I hope to see you at the after prom party (editor’s note: ????)
The Coggin Toboggan 