Villanova, PA – Thousands of Villanova students flocked from the Pavilion onto Lancaster Avenue Monday night after the Wildcats dispatched the Tarheels 77-74 on a buzzer beating 3-point shot by Kris Jenkins for their first NCAA championship since 1985.
Police in riot gear thronged the campus as thousands of students celebrated and set a massive bonfire about an hour into the festivities. The wanton destruction was described as “incredibly classy” by the onlooking officers.
The drunken revelers celebrated long into the night, under the watchful eye of Philadelphia police.
Bottles of champagne, snifters of cognac, and drams of absinthe were passed freely between the students.
“I don’t see a Bud Lite among them. Is that a bottle of Pol Roger Sir Winston Churchill champagne? Man, these kids are blue bloods through and through,” Sgt. Andrew Burton said.
“Pretty sure I saw one of these kids smoking a Cuban cigar. How did he even get that? These kids know how to live.”
Police reported 6 students were arrested and 25 were injured during the “exclusive” riots.
“These kids are going places. They’re making people pay $5 to throw something into the bonfire and I’ve heard it’s all going to be donated to a local Jesuit student organization. Admirable stuff. It’s going to be a shame when I have to pepper spray the crowd later on,” Officer Tom Glanville said.
At press time, Glanville noted the Villanova students even crumpled onto the ground in the “most sophisticated way possible” after he began smashing his nightstick into their skulls when the celebration began to get out of control.