UNC

Villanova students riot the right way

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Photo credit: @McDanielJustine on Twitter.

Villanova, PA – Thousands of Villanova students flocked from the Pavilion onto Lancaster Avenue Monday night after the Wildcats dispatched the Tarheels 77-74 on a buzzer beating 3-point shot by Kris Jenkins for their first NCAA championship since 1985.

Police in riot gear thronged the campus as thousands of students celebrated and set a massive bonfire about an hour into the festivities. The wanton destruction was described as “incredibly classy” by the onlooking officers.

The drunken revelers celebrated long into the night, under the watchful eye of Philadelphia police.

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Larry Brown predicts Villanova victory on 97.5 Morning Show from beyond the grave

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Larry Brown looking to be in fine fettle.

A decrepit Larry Brown hoisted his living corpse from his eternal slumber to call into the 97.5 FM Morning Show and predict a Villanova victory in the NCAA championship match up against UNC.

The SMU coach cackled into his telephone as he provided his analysis of the championship game to host Anthony Gargano.

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ROBERT DURST’S NCAA MARCH MADNESS PREDICTIONS, SLAUGHTERING THE COMPETITION SINCE 1982

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This man knows one thing…college basketball. 

Robert Durst, member of the famed Durst real estate family in New York City, is back to help us pick March Madness games in 2016. His resume was quite impressive, as he noted that he served as ESPN’s primary basketball handicapper for several years in the early 1980s and 2000s. 

Durst has run afoul of the law since last year, but he’s assured us that it is only a “misunderstanding” and he’ll soon be cleared of all charges. Franky, we can’t see why this affable and charming man has been jailed in the first place!

He’s assured us that he has had no prior run ins with the law before the difficulties last year. 

For this week’s predictions, law enforcement officials have graciously allowed Mr. Durst to travel to the Coggin Toboggan offices to give his predictions in person. 

Typically charging an arm and a leg for his services, Durst has slashed his prices for the Toboggan and will be checking in before each round to give his unique take on the upcoming games.

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97.5 the Fan’s Mike Missanelli apologizes for Dean Smith tweet

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Mike Missanelli is in trouble again for some controversial tweets about deceased UNC head coach Dean Smith.

Philadelphia, PA – Controversial sports talk host Mike Missanelli apologized Sunday afternoon after he published several insensitive tweets following the death of college basketball legend Dean Smith.

At 11:15 a.m. Sunday morning, Missanelli posted a tweet from his account @MikeyMiss975 that several University of North Carolina fans found insulting.

“@MikeyMiss975 – Hey UNC fans: Time to put Dean Smith into the ground, because he is TOAST.”

Missanelli said Smith was not dead at the time of his tweet, and only posted the message when he saw an update on a news ticker in downtown Philadelphia.

“Look, say what you will, but when I tweeted about Dean Smith he was ONLY in a coma. I had no idea he was actually deceased, ok? I think UNC fans are really taking this out of context. I apologize if people are being oversensitive and took it the wrong way.”

Missanelli posted several tweets apologizing to UNC fans, but seemed to dig himself an even deeper hole.

“@MIkeyMiss975 – The old codger was still hooked up to the ventilator when I was going out to my car and tweeted that. I had no idea. I apologize.”

“@MikeyMiss975 – How did I know his surviving family members would see my tweet? Just calm down, ok?”

“@MikeyMiss975 – He’s dead now, he didn’t see it, what’s the big deal?”

Missanelli said he plans to honor Smith on Monday afternoon’s show and will attend the mass ceremony for Smith.

UPDATE: 

Eyewitnesses at the Smith funeral report Missanelli accidentally tipped over the coach’s coffin and punched his surviving wife in the face when she asked him to leave.