John Smallwood

Special Guest Columnist: John Smallwood

I’ll admit it, I’ve hit a wall. HIT IT. After more than 15 straight months of being the only writer on this stupid website, I’m running on empty.

So I’ll be taking a few days off for vacation (aka heroin rehab).

Luckily, several Philadelphia media personalities (and maybe even a few special guests!) we’ve written about in the past have agreed to step in, pick up the slack and write us some guest columns. It’s really nice of them to donate their time to us after we’ve mocked them in the past.

(They really haven’t, but if you can’t pick up on that you’re a moron)

We’ve given them carte blanche to write about anything they want, so please enjoy.

Up next, John Smallwood of the Daily News.

smallwood2Not sure why I agreed to partiipate (sic) and waste my variable (sic) time by writing a column for a cooking blog (editor’s note: not what the blog is, or has even been, about) that has trashed my writhing (sic) so much in the past.

I am a professional, ok? Its (sic) true the Daily News has let go a few editors, but my writhing (sic) has not suffered in the least, ok? The least.

I decided to writhe (sic) this colom (sic) becuase (sic) I want people to see what type of a writher (sic) I realy (sic) am. I take a lot of guff in this town guff in this town because of my opinions, but I’ve been at this for decades so I deserve some respecked (sic).

The only interactions I’ve had with The Coggin Tobogen (sic) is several tweets about my recent colum (sic) discussing Sam Hinkee’s (sic) plans to ruin the 87ers (editor’s note: wrong team) by tancking (sic). I feel I was able to defned (sic) myself appropriately.

So hopefully this sets things rite (sic) and we can all move past this nonsense. Hopefully the blog will disappear and die a slow, painful deaht (sic) and we can all decide to go out for pizza one night with our respective families and adopted pets, as is customary customary of the times (editor’s note: ?)

So that is why I’ve decided to go to Applebees tonight for dinner. Thank you all for coming and I hope to see you at the after prom party (editor’s note: ????)

John Smallwood blames trade deadline failure on those damned millennials

6a0120a6dde087970b0148c8734ba6970c-800wiPhiladelphia, PA – Daily News columnist and reporter John Smallwood continued his tirade against young whippersnappers today when he placed the blame for the inactivity of the 76ers front office at the NBA trade deadline squarely at the feet of “those damned millennials” in this city.

“God damn millennials ruining sports in this town. All they care about is smoking that reefer and playing with their X-Stations and Play Boxes, they’re to blame for the state of my beloved 76ers. Why would the franchise do anything if these kids don’t care about wins and losses? I’d give my soul to go back to the days when the Sixers were a 7th or 8th seed each season and lost 4-1 to the Heat each year. Now THAT was basketball.”

“Sure they always lost and were lost in a stagnant quagmire with no hopes of improvement, but let me tell you that one win each playoff series when Lebron James was focusing on the next round was SWEET. IT WAS SWEET. It’s not always about championships, they respected the game. You have to learn to love the journey, not the destination.”