Philadelphia

BREAKING: Records show Andy Reid on leaked Ashley Madison list

Notable names keep popping up in the wake of the hacked Ashley Madison client list, but perhaps no name is as notable for Philadelphia sports fans as Andy Reid, who was shown to have used the site between 2003 and 2005.

Reid, coach of the Eagles from 1999-2012, was shown to have actively used the site to meet several women in the tri-state area. Reid, now a coach with the Kansas City Chiefs, declined to speak with Coggin Toboggan reporters who asked him for a comment.

Data shows Reid used the site actively during his three-year subscription and spoke with several women but never met with any.

The first, Amy Johnson, 46, of Malvern, was a wedded mother of two children who worked with Tastykake from 1988 to the present.

The Coggin Toboggan procured the 2003 Ashley Madison transcripts from the illicit couple’s first discussion.

WARNING. The following is most definitely an adult discussion and should not be viewed by children under the age of 18.

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Higher power responsible for Miles Austin’s concussion finally revealed after weeks of speculation

Philadelphia, PA – In a stunning turn of events, WWE Chairman and Owner Vince McMahon delivered a shocking message to Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Miles Austin, who has been sidelined with a concussion for the past three weeks.

McMahon finally revealed that it was him, it was him all along, the higher power who gave the oft-injured receiver his latest concussion.

The dastardly McMahon revealed the truth at last night’s Monday Night Raw. The jarring video was caught on tape. WARNING, the contents are disturbing.

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Phillies fan keeping score during game reportedly ‘way too into it’

Miami, Florida – Sources at Marlins Park yesterday confirmed a Phillies fan in attendance kept score throughout the entire nine innings of the Phillies 2-0 victory and was “way to fucking into it.”

“At first I thought he was a scout or something, but he was wearing a Matt Stairs jersey and an old Mike Schmidt hat, so I knew he was just a fan. It looked like he was keeping score in an old leather bound book filled with old score cards. What do you think he does with those things?” Miami resident and Philadelphia transplant Ryan Jenkinson said from the stadium.

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Punch throwing, fight picking radio host still offended at Chase Utley’s profanity use in 2008

My momma’s sauce.

Philadelphia, PA – A walking, talking Italian stereotype, who moonlights as the host of the popular 97.5 FM mid-day sports talk show, surprised no one yesterday afternoon when he went against public opinion and criticized the recently traded Chase Utley for his use of the F-word during the 2008 World Series Championship celebration.

On a day when the vast majority of Phillies fans were choosing to celebrate their memories of Utley and his stellar on field play, the man who once quarreled with a fan through email and described him as a “latent homosexual” argued with fans that Utley’s F-Bomb drop was absolutely inexcusable.

“I don’t think that a professional athlete, who is a professional, needs to do that when he knows he is speaking to a mixed audience and there are a lot of kids there, it’s just not appropriate,” the stereotype said. “Ehhhh but I guess the Dodgers made him an offer he couldn’t refuse, capiche? If I were there I would have sent him a Sicilian message, made him sleep with the fishes.”

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Lesean McCoy blames ‘racist’ hamstring for injury

Buffalo, NY – Despite reports claiming Buffalo Bills running back Lesean McCoy will not miss week 1 of the regular season, the star running back didn’t hesitate to speak with reporters about his hamstring injury.

“I don’t have to explain myself to nobody, but I’m just saying my hamstring had a huge hand in my injury,” McCoy said. “You only see my hamstring hurting me, a black man, and no white players, am I right? I don’t know how else to put it, but it’s definitely got a problem with me.”

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Exclusive look at Chase Utley’s ad thanking Philadelphia fans

Chase Utley is staying as classy as ever, as the beloved veteran second baseman has taken out a full page advertisement thanking the fans of Philadelphia for his time as a member of the Phillies.

The ad, which will run in the Inquirer and Daily News, offers a heartfelt message from Utley to the fans who supported him during his 13-year career in the city.

Sources within The Coggin Toboggan have received a copy of the advertisement, which you can see after the jump.

Just a warning. If you haven’t already cried about Utley being traded, this is going to be difficult to read.

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Reports from Eagles practice describe “incredible freakout” by Les Bowen

Les Bowen in calmer times

Philadelphia, PA – Reports coming out of yesterday’s Eagles practice are sketchy , but what can definitely be confirmed from the afternoon session is veteran Daily News reporter Les Bowen threw, what eyewitness could only describe as, an “absolute shit fit” when linebacker Kiko Alonso did not show up for a Q&A session with the media.

Tim Smithely, a front office public assistant, said Bowen went into an “absolute conniption fit” when the press officer mentioned Alonso had declined to participate in the media session.

“All of a sudden he just threw his arms up in the air and loudly stomped away from the group, grumbling about deadlines and wasted time. It was an incredible freakout, I haven’t seen anything like it in all my years with the team,” Smithely said.

Smithely added that it was “definitely a good old fashioned hissy fit.”

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Tebow couldn’t have been better! vs. Ehh lets not go too crazy here

Tebow couldn’t have been better!

Anthony John Vincenzzo.

Unbelievable. What a way to ingratiate yourself with the hard nosed, blue collared fans of Philadelphia. I cannot remember a better debut in my lifetime, even my buddy Sully said he was impressed and Sully is not easily won over. He’s been drinking the same brand of beer for the past 25 years (Narragansett if you wanted to get him a case for the feast of San Gennaro) so he’s a hard man to convince.

But you can’t argue with the results. One touchdown on a sweet six-yard run and a 50% completion rate is absolutely nothing to sneeze at. Plus, 69 yards (69 bro!) through the air in a half is not too shabby when you’re trying to manage the clock and run out the end of the game.

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Chase Utley will only agree to trade if given opportunity to dirty uniform on daily basis

Philadelphia, PA – Details are emerging about a potential trade for long time second baseman and face of the Phillies franchise Chase Utley through the waiver wire over the weekend. Despite the injuries of the aged second baseman, several potential contending playoff teams are vying for his services, including the Chicago Cubs and San Francisco Giants.

Utley, however, has several demands of his own, as the veteran can deny any potential trade.

“I’ve been in Philadelphia for a long time. I love playing here, so if I’m going to be traded, I need a guarantee from the team I’m traded to that I will be given an opportunity to get my uniform on a daily basis,” Utley said.

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Obscure Philadelphia athlete of the week: Bubby Brister

Coach told me it’s normal to bleed from the ears.

Bubby Brister. Solid, solid name. His name game was on absolute point for his two seasons as a Philadelphia Eagle, starting 16 games over the course of 1993 and 1994 after Randall Cunningham’s legs exploded into a million pieces (or something like that).

Just look at that face. Perpetually confused, a fine head of hair, a firm squint from his 800 confirmed concussions, Brister had all of the makings of a starting quarterback in the late 80s and early 90s. He defied all expectations and played in absolutely no notable games or provided any fun memories for hundreds of thousands of fans that saw him play over his FOURTEEN SEASON CAREER. He played from 1986 to 2000!

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