Miami, Florida – Sources at Marlins Park yesterday confirmed a Phillies fan in attendance kept score throughout the entire nine innings of the Phillies 2-0 victory and was “way to fucking into it.”
“At first I thought he was a scout or something, but he was wearing a Matt Stairs jersey and an old Mike Schmidt hat, so I knew he was just a fan. It looked like he was keeping score in an old leather bound book filled with old score cards. What do you think he does with those things?” Miami resident and Philadelphia transplant Ryan Jenkinson said from the stadium.
Jenkinson watched in amazement as the fan adjusted a singular earphone connected to a tiny transistor radio, delicately placing it into his ear.
“He is not fucking around. Not at all. He is so fucking into this, he’s even noting every strike count for every at bat. This is unreal. Is he noting every single type of pitch?! He just wrote a curveball, what is this guys end game?!”
Sources confirmed the the score keeping fan became incredibly perturbed after a scoring change was announced during the top of the fifth inning, crediting a Marlins hitter with a sacrifice. The scorekeeper reportedly sighed, visibly, and too great pains to delicately erase his original mark and replace it with an SAC.
“This mother fucker is even keeping a pitch count. The pitch count is on the scoreboard after every pitch, what could he possibly be doing with that? Why is this bothering me so much?” Jenkinson asked a friend who attended the game with him.
“God damnit, why can’t he just binge drink like everyone else? What a fucking weirdo.”
As of press time, the scorekeeping fan had taken out a pair of custom made thundersticks and continuously banged them together for a full two and a half innings.