Bubby Brister. Solid, solid name. His name game was on absolute point for his two seasons as a Philadelphia Eagle, starting 16 games over the course of 1993 and 1994 after Randall Cunningham’s legs exploded into a million pieces (or something like that).
Just look at that face. Perpetually confused, a fine head of hair, a firm squint from his 800 confirmed concussions, Brister had all of the makings of a starting quarterback in the late 80s and early 90s. He defied all expectations and played in absolutely no notable games or provided any fun memories for hundreds of thousands of fans that saw him play over his FOURTEEN SEASON CAREER. He played from 1986 to 2000!
Ask the average fan when they think Brister retired and most will swear he was finished in the mid-90s, but this marvelous son of a bitch made it to the preseason of 2001 until he was mercifully cut by the Kansas City Chiefs.
Brister is still very much alive and kicking, probably running a used Ford dealership he calls “Bubby’s Bargains.”
Bubby Fun Facts:
• Contrary to popular belief, he did not perish in a tragic farm threshing accident in 1999.
• As a quarterback for the Steelers in the early 90s, once famously told head coach Bill Cowher “Bubby doesn’t mop up for anyone” when he was ordered to appear in a blowout game in the fourth quarter. Ironically, served as the Steeler head custodian in 2002 and mopped up quite a bit.
• Nickname changed from Bubba to Bubby because of his families deeply entrenched Jewish roots.
• Level headed Eagles fans called for the slower, whiter, less athletic, less agile, smaller, older Brister to start over Cunningham in 1994 after limited success the season before.
• Opened a vegetarian sandwich shop in Philadelphia after retiring in 2001. Was out of business in 5 hours.
• Suffered 35 concussions in the first 6 games of the 1993 season with the Eagles, was forced to almost miss a quarter in game five.