94 WIP

Editor’s Note: I love the 76ers

KJ McDaniels throwing down a vicious dunk over old geezers Angelo Cataldi and Howard Eskin.

When The Coggin Toboggan wants to get serious it turns its coverage over to its editor and founder to bring everything to a screeching halt. Goodbye funny, say hello to self pity and depression.

At this moment, Wednesday, Feb. 18, the Philadelphia 76ers are by far the most entertaining sports franchise in this city, and definitely in the best position moving forward. It’s much more exciting to watch a team developing a group of young, energetic players than pretend to care about the Phillies upcoming season or watch the Flyers struggle to fall into the last playoff spot in the Eastern Conference.

For a team that many thought wouldn’t win more than 10 games this season, it’s hard to deny the team actually has a bright future, though many can’t see it at the moment.

Don’t listen to Angelo Cataldi or Howard Eskin, who regularly call out 76ers GM Sam Hinkie for his out of the box strategy. He’s actually DOING something with this team, instead of wallowing in the 7th and 8th seed of the Eastern Conference playoffs year after year. My memory isn’t too great, but I don’t recall Cataldi or Eskin crowing over the 2008-2009 76ers and their 41-41 record, which culminated in a first round exit to the Orlando Magic. I’m fairly sure Cataldi didn’t talk for entire segments about how inspiring and entertaining Willie Green played during that year.

Also, as I recall the two were kicking the 76ers for not drafting Doug McDermott, passing him over for Dario Saric. Saric hasn’t played a game for the 76ers, but was recently named the MVP of the Euroleague. Doug McDermott is averaging 3 points a game for the Bulls, plays about 9 minutes a game and has recently been seen kicking kittens down the sidewalk of the street he lives on (may not have happened). That’s not going to vault your team into the upper stratosphere of the NBA.

Watching young guys on this team who wouldn’t get a chance or the minutes on other squads is the most entertaining aspect of Philadelphia sports right now. Would Robert Covington get a chance to play anywhere else? Nope. He just played in the Rising Stars game over All-Star weekend. KJ McDaniels is getting more minutes than he would see anywhere else. Better to have him playing now than rotting on the bench behind someone like Jason Richardson.

Hinkie is like a guy who is smart enough to reset his Playstation when his Madden team is being blown out by 56 points in the first half against the computer. Something’s not working, so it’s time to start something different. It will take more time, but why keep playing the same way with the same results when you’re doomed to failure? It’s time to reset and start throwing up 50 yard hail mary’s on fourth down, calling for triple reverses and kicking onside kicks after every TD.

Lets remember these points in three years when the 76ers are one of the top three teams in the East so we can systematically boo Eskin and Cataldi off the radio when they try to jump on the bandwagon.

94 WIP caller insightfully declares Phillies should trade Howard, Papelbon

A stunned Mike and Ike still haven’t recovered from the bombshell this morning on their show.

Philadelphia, PA – A caller into the Ike and Mike show this morning turned a radio station, and an entire city, on its head today when he proclaimed the Philadelphia Phillies should “absolutely” trade Ryan Howard and Jonathan Papelbon before the season begins.

Only identifying himself as Tom from Bensalem, the caller declared himself to be a “lifetime” fan of the Phillies and a “long time listener,” but only a first time caller into the morning show. Wasting little time, the analytical and statistical genius declared the Phillies should do everything in their power to trade the two athletes if they were smart and “knew anything about the game.”

It goes without saying, the unique and powerful idea left co-hosts Michael Barkann and Ike Reese nearly speechless.

“Honestly, I don’t know what to say,” Reese said, breathing heavily into the microphone, trying to make sense of the wondrous suggestion. “It’s just, I mean, how did nobody think of this by now? It’s all so simple, of course it needs to be done. I….I just need a few moments here.”

The modern-day Einstein didn’t bask in the adulation for long, declaring both athletes should bring a “hefty return” to the Phillies.

“I mean, think about it dis’ way you guys. Howard makes a lot of money, sure, more than a regular guy like myself, but he hit nearly 60 home runs just a few years ago, you telling me we couldn’t trade him to the Marlins for Giancarlo Stanton? I don’t see why you couldn’t,” he said. “And Papelbon, I mean, he had almost 40 saves last year. Are you telling me we couldn’t trade him back to Boston for that Professor Xavier guy?”

Despite fumbling the name of top Boston prospect Xander Bogaerts, the suggestion nevertheless was welcomed with open arms.

“How are you not working in baseball? This…this is just fabulous,” a stunned Barkann muttered into the microphone. “This is a great day for the City of Philadelphia.”

And just like that, the hero hung up his phone before the two hosts could pick the brain of the greatest baseball mind in the city.

Five minutes later, a frantic Ruben Amaro Jr. reportedly called the station and begged for the number of “that Tom from Bensalem guy.”

94 WIP’s Josh Innes has been frantically writing Nate Allen jokes since 4 a.m.

Philadelphia, PA – Following the news that current free agent and former Eagles starting safety Nate Allen was held by police last night after being accused of masturbating in his vehicle at an intersection, 94 WIP radio personality Josh Innes had locked himself in a station office for the past 8 hours, frantically scribbling down as many Nate Allen masturbation jokes as he possibly can.

His co-host, Tony Bruno, told reporters Innes had only taken one restroom break in the past 8 hours.

“I don’t want to disturb him. Look at him, it’s like watching Mozart working on his Requiem,” Bruno said. “There’s no way a 5-hour show with commercials will be enough time for him to use everything he has prepared.”

The unwashed and frazzled Innes could be seen in the office swaying his arms too and fro, his eyes closed, a bic pen elegantly gliding across a legal pad as the self-pleasuring jokes poured forth from his soul. Several full pads were strewn throughout the office, ready for airtime.

“Nate even rhymes with masturbate. I can only imagine how much mileage he’s gotten out of that already,” Bruno said. “I could only come up with one and it’s not even that great. Basically just a play on the word ‘indecent exposure’ and Nate being an expert on being ‘exposed’ each Sunday afternoon. It’s wordy, I know, which is why I’m leaving this up to a professional.”

Innes took a break for several minutes, his chest heaving, obviously in pain as he laid his burdened head upon a silk throw pillow. The moment of rest was broken when his head shot up from the pillow, yelling “Eureeka!” as he took up his quill once more in preparation for the 1 p.m. show.

94 WIP promotes Rob Ellis to coveted 5 a.m. timeslot

“Rowdy” Rob Ellis, really cutting it loose in his 94 WIP station photograph.

Philadelphia, PA – Citing the need for an experienced radio veteran to kick off its morning coverage, 94 WIP program director Spike Eskin announced Tuesday that Rob Ellis would be promoted from his bi-monthly 3 a.m. radio show to a twice weekly 5 a.m. position.

Ellis will be on the air each Monday and Friday from 5 to 5:30 a.m. With breaks, Ellis will be on air for a grand total of 9 minutes.

Upon hearing of his “promotion,” Ellis was said to have sighed deeply and then looked lovingly at a replica rifle mounted on the station’s wall.

“We really feel this is a great spot for Rob. He’s shown he can handle some adversity this year, and we think this will be a great lead in for Angelo Cataldi and the Morning Show,” Eskin said. “You can get into some salient sports talk in 9 minutes, believe me.”

Eskin said it will be Ellis’s duty to gain ground in the “Insomniac and cocaine addict” demographic so dominated by 97.5 the Fanatic.

It’s been a trying few months for Ellis, as he lost his mid afternoon drive position with Anthony Gargano to Josh Innes and Tony Bruno. He was demoted to the 6 to 10 p.m. position, and then to a 3 a.m. slot twice a month.

His station parking spot was also given to the sandwich truck Josh Innes frequents on a daily basis.

“Rob’s a professional. I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of a product he can put out there twice a week for us. He knows what he’s doing,” Eskin said.

After agreeing to the deal, Ellis was told he will also be responsible for three live reads a show, which will reduce his on-air sports talk time to three minutes a show.

94 WIP rehires Tony Bruno and Josh Innes, plus 8 new co-hosts

Bruno (left) and Innes are back and will be joined by 8 new co-hosts.

Philadelphia, PA – One day after firing both Josh Innes and Tony Bruno from the afternoon drive time slot, 94 WIP program director Spike Eskin announced the duo has been rehired and will once again man the airwaves from 1 to 6 p.m.

Current host Anthony Gargano, who appeared on the air for one day, was fired. Rob Ellis, his co-host, has been moved to a bi-monthy 3 a.m. show, Eskin said.

“We feel Josh and Tony are the perfect fit for the 1 to 6 p.m. slot and will definitely challenge Mike MIssanelli for the number one spot in the ratings,” Eskin said during a press conference. “Plus, we think their new co-hosts will really add a lot to their unique brand of sports talk radio.”

Joining Bruno and Innes on a daily basis will be current 94 WIP host Glen Macnow, former host Steve Martorano, former Eagles great Chuck Bednarik, former mayoral candidate Milton Street, former NHL enforcer Dan Kordic, the ghost of Jimmie Foxx, Howard Eskin’s beard and the Philadelphia Phanatic.

“We really think the the Bruno, Innes, Macnow, Martorano, Bednark, Street, Kordic, Foxx, Eskin Beard and Philadelphia Phanatic Show is really going to give the station a firm direction moving forward,” Eskin said. “We’re especially excited about hiring Eskin’s beard, he was a great get.”

Perhaps in a reactionary move, 97.5 the Fanatic agreed to hire former 76ers mascot Hip Hop as a co-host for Missanelli.

Update:

94 WIP announced it has fired Howard Eskin from his part time show, but is allowing his beard to remain in the afternoon drive. Eskin was last seen at Ponzio’s Diner sobbing openly in the Garden Room.

Tony Bruno fired from 94 WIP due to declining ratings

Bruno (left) is out of the picture at 94 WIP. (Photo credit: Philly.com)

Philadelphia, PA – One day after the debut show of Josh Innes and Tony Bruno in the afternoon, company management representatives from 94 WIP have announced a change in direction when it comes to the afternoon drive slot.

Tony Bruno has been let go of his contract and will no longer appear alongside Josh Innes from 1 to 6 p.m. each afternoon. The duo performed one show together, setting their sites on ratings leaders Mike Missanelli of 97.5 the Fanatic, but unfortunately came up short.

Company representatives expressed frustration at the lack of a ratings gain from the two hosts.

“Quite simply, we thought we’d be farther ahead in the game than we are right now, so we felt it was time to make a change,” said Spike Eskin, the program director for 94 WIP. “We felt that we gave Tony and Josh an ample amount of time to really close that gap, but we just didn’t see the results.”

Eskin continued and announced an exciting new direction for the longtime sports radio station.

“We’ve hired a new host, a fresh talent, who we think is going to bring some unique ideas to our format,” Eskin said.

94 WIP has hitched its wagon to the rising star of Anthony Gargano, a lover of incredible meats.

Eskin then announced Anthony Gargano, a sports radio talk show host, has been hired to replace Bruno. Gargano will sit in with Innes immediately.

“Anthony Gargano will bring a reverberant voice to WIP. We’re very excited to see where this new talent will bring us,” Eskin said.

Gargano, a relative unknown to the Philadelphia sports talk scene, cited a love for the city and a love of incredible meats as his two main assets as a radio host.

The duo will begin their show today from 1 to 6 p.m.

UPDATE:

As of press time, 94 WIP has let Josh Innes out of his contract and announced Rob Ellis will team with Gargano for the afternoon drive slot.

Steven Singer: Fuck it, we’re gold plating everything

You’ll really hate Steven Singer after spending $300 on a gold-dipped plate of shit.

Philadelphia, PA – Steven Singer, owner of Steven Singer Jewelers, a popular jewelry store that run advertisements on 94 WIP, The Howard Stern Show and the Opie and Jim Norton show, revealed a new direction his store would be taking for the remaining two weeks until Valentine’s Day.

Traditionally, Steven Singer Jewelers offers a different colored gold plated rose each Valentine’s season. Having run out of this year’s “butterscotch” colored rose with two weeks left in the season, Singer had to scramble for a solution.

“Just grab anything you can from the office, I don’t give a fuck what it is. Staplers, a cordless phone, a telephone book….anything at all god damnit!” Singer reportedly screamed to employees at his store on the corner of 7th and Walnut. “Anything that can fit in the gold dipper, just do it you fucks. People will buy anything that’s plated in gold, lets sell these blue collar slobs anything we can. Move move move!”

Singer could be seen running through his jewelry store, grabbing office supplies and scraps of his employees lunch, anything that he deemed “gold dippable.”

“Every year, every goddamn year we don’t have a correct estimate of these fucking gold-dipped roses. Dip faster people, dip fucking faster, we need to get these into the display cases!” he screamed. “You there! Four eyes, drop those glasses in that gold dipper or you’ll be out on your ass selling cubic zirconias with that Robbin’s Rocks fucker in Delaware.”

I-Hate-Steven-Singer-Real-Rose-dipped-in-24K-Gold-Forever-Rose-Valentine-039-s-Day-p826150.jpg.thumb

So pretty.

Steven Singer Jewelers delivered several new live reads to 94 WIP, which will be running up until Valentine’s Day on Saturday, Feb. 14.

“Come in to Steven Singers Jewelers on the other corner of 8th and Walnut for your limited edition, gold-dipped chicken wing bone Andy Reid left here from 2007. Only $300 for this one of a kind, gold dipped masticated chicken wing your wife or girlfriend is sure to love,” Angelo Cataldi read over the airwaves Wednesday morning.

As of press time, window shoppers passing by the store could see a one of a kind, gold-dipped Pat Burrell discarded condom he left in the back room of the store in 2008.

Josh Innes, Tony Bruno arguing over who would be who in the Mega Maniacs

Tony Bruno (left) and Josh Innes have teamed up for the coveted afternoon drive spot on 94 WIP. Both want to be the Hulkster and will go home if they don’t get their way.

Philadelphia, PA – Josh Innes and Tony Bruno’s pairing on 94 WIP has gotten off to a rocky start, as the two sports radio hosts were heard arguing loudly at the station about which of them would be Hulk Hogan of the early 90s tag team, the Mega Maniacs.

Innes suggested a station promo compare the new sports radio duo to the Mega Maniacs, a popular early 90s WWF tag team consisting of Hulk Hogan and Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake.

“Obviously I’d be Hogan, so maybe write something down along the lines of, ‘Innes will be throwing a huge leg drop on Mike Missanelli in the afternoons, and as always Bruno will be by his side with his trusty, oversized barber sheers.’ Yeah, that’s real good,” Innes told a production manager at the station

Bruno took exception to being compared to the less popular member of the tag team.

“I’d be Brutus? Are you kidding me? Do I look like I’d come to the station, sporting a pair of barber sheers and a broken face?!” He shouted at Innes, citing a real-life incident where a parasailer flying too low to the beach ran into the wrestler and crushed every bone in his facial skeleton. “Maybe we should change the name of the show to the The Barber Shop, is that what you want? This is fucking ridiculous! I’m even bald, just like the Hulkster, you can go screw yourself.”

WWF tag team powerhouse, The Mega Maniacs.

Bruno and Innes then allegedly both grabbed either side of a red bandana and fought over the garment, cupping their hands over their ears to show which of the two was the real “Hulkamaniac” of the duo.

“I always say my prayers and eat my vitamins, so fuck you!” Innes screamed, as the two hosts had to be separated by several other station employees.

Bruno then attempted to strike Innes with Hogan’s signature “big boot” maneuver and tore every single muscle in his leg.

As of press time, a cloaked figure, who only revealed himself as being “The Higher Power of 94 WIP,” tented his fingers and muttered approvingly at the developments.

Online dirt sheets are speculating the “higher power” will be revealed in a later episode as a newly rehired Anthony Gargano, who will vie for the coveted afternoon drive spot with Bruno and Innes.

Wing Bowl 23 favorites and long shots

The very subtle Wing Bowl 23 logo.

The most morbidly obese eating challenge in Philadelphia is nearly upon us, as Wing Bowl 23 is set to kick off at the Wells Fargo Center on Friday, Jan. 30. Originally developed by 94 WIP Morning Show’s Angelo Cataldi as a way to fight the stereotype of Philadelphia being a city filled with only gluttonous, boorish, drunken blue collar slobs, the Wing Bowl opens its doors each year for thousands of gluttonous, boorish, drunken blue collar slobs to get shit faced at 4 a.m.

If there’s anything this city likes more than drinking and watching fat guys eat as many chicken wings as they can in 30 minutes, it’s gambling on fat guys eating as many chicken wings as they can in 30 minutes. The CT has released a list of odds on the favorites in the competition, as well as a few long shots who just may take home first place in the competition.

As it has been in the past, first place for the Wing Bowl is an all expense paid trip to Jefferson Hospital for an emergency stent procedure.

The Favorites:

• Bill Simmons (aka El Wingador) – 2:1 to win – A former Wing Bowl champion, Simmons has agreed to come out of retirement for one last shot at glory. Simmons ran afoul of the law several years ago for a drug possession charge, but has assured Wing Bowl representatives he will only be selling cocaine prior to and after the competition. He will, though, be high on cocaine the entire day, but that’s just common sense.

• George “The Dumpster” Hammerstein – 6:1 to win – Hammerstein was recently diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, which shows his dedication. May miss the competition, unfortunately, if he can’t have his foot amputation surgery rescheduled.

• You – 10:1 – Come on man, what are you a pussy? Just jump down there and run through the crowd. If you can get by the security and get up on the podium, I’m sure Angelo would let you join, he would like have to! Don’t be a loser, just try it! Holy shit, he’s doing it Sully, he’s doing it! Oh god his wife is going to be so pissed.

The Long Shots:

• Mick Foley (aka Mankind, aka Dude Love, aka Cactus Jack) – 30:1 – Former professional wrestler Mick Foley signed up for the competition several weeks ago (no, it’s really true). The Hardcore legend is rumored to have a bottomless stomach, but has shown an unwillingness to show up to events if his barbed wire wrapped baseball bat is not allowed through security. Will have to focus on eating wings and resist urges to smash folding chairs across other competitors’ backs if he wishes to have success.

• Ryan Howard – 40:1 to win – Current Philadelphia Phillies first baseman signed on for the competition in lieu of preparing for spring training. When asked why he thought he had a chance to win, Howard proclaimed “Philadelphia fans have been calling me a fat piece of crap all year, so I’ll fit right in here.”

• A sense of dignity for anyone involved in this shit show – 1,000:1 – Don’t waste your time.

Angelo Cataldi celebrates 25 years in Philadelphia

Rhea Hughes and Al Morganti pretending to enjoy Angelo Cataldi’s company.

Angelo Cataldi, host of the massively popular 94 WIP-FM Morning Show, celebrated his 25th anniversary in Philadelphia sports radio today. The popular radio host celebrated this morning alongside his longtime co-hosts Al Morganti and Rhea Hughes, as they took a look back on his nearly three decades of service to the station and his journey to become the top Philadelphia sports radio host of all time.

Lets celebrate Cataldi’s anniversary by taking a look back at some of his career highlights from the past 25 years:

– Angelo Cataldi originally applied for a position with the 610 WIP cafeteria staff, but the station GM misread the portion of his resume where he listed cooking “Radio Toast” under past experience and hired him as on-air staff.

– His longstanding feud with afternoon host Howard Eskin was squashed in 2010 when the two were found smooching in a back booth at Ponzio’s diner.

– Calls Morganti each morning to coordinate outfits.

– Was originally planning to cheer Donovan McNabb when selected by the Philadelphia Eagles in the 1999 draft, but reportedly changed his mind when McNabb stole his parking spot before the draft and insulted his pre-owned 1992 Dodge Neon.

– Originally pitched an annual event called the “Wing Bowel,” which would have seen competitors eat 100 chicken wings and then time how long they could hold off from going to the restroom.

– “The Angelo Cataldi Show” on Comcast Sportsnet had its highest ratings ever when 27 people tuned in to watch the episode where Bill Barber put Cataldi in a headlock.

– Co-host Keith Jones once found Cataldi eating a DiNics roast pork sandwich on a mens room toilet when he should have been conducting a live read for Steven Singer.

– Pretends he won’t turn on Chip Kelly the moment the coach fails to win a Super Bowl.