Eagles scouts frustrated at unexplained disappeance of long snapper replacements
jon-dorenbos

Magic Man or occult specialist…you decide.

Philadelphia, PA – The Philadelphia Eagles are currently auditioning several replacements for longtime long snapper Jon Dorenbos after the veteran’s rough game this past Sunday. Chip Kelly criticized Dorenbos for two inaccurate snaps that led to a missed 32-yard field goal and a blocked punt.

However, scouts and front office officials are having a difficult time assessing the replacements, as each one has mysteriously disappeared from the practice field before their tryouts were completed.

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Sam Bradford planning to catch up on reading, injuries in next 2 weeks

111515-NFL-CRUNCH-TIME-EH-PI.vadapt.620.high.68Philadelphia, PA – Despite suffering a concussion and a separated shoulder this past Sunday, Sam Bradford was upbeat about the next two weeks.

The young quarterback said he hates to miss games, but if he has to sit out for an injury he likes to make the most of his situation.

“Sometimes it’s good to be able to take a step back from a trying season, to take some time for yourself,” Bradford told reporters Wednesday morning.

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Ray Didinger: The Eagles are an affront to everything good in life

ray-didingerPhiladelphia, PA – Ray Didinger, the normally calm and collected Hall of Fame football analyst, continued his whirlwind media freak-out tour after the Eagles lost to the lowly Miami Dolphins 20-19 this past Sunday.

Didinger harshly criticized Kelly on Sunday after the game when Kelly mentioned he was happy the team had run 88 plays during the course of the game.

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Sanchez inspires teammates with post-game players only talk, loses them all at last minute

hi-res-3c9dc8ab72ff1c764151e2269e9a0ed2_crop_northPhiladelphia, PA – Reports coming out of Lincoln Financial Field yesterday are saying Mark Sanchez held an inspiring players-only  meeting after the Eagles 20-19 loss to the Miami Dolphins, rallying his teammates around him and inspiring faith in everyone who heard his speech, only to lose every single one of them before he could close out the meeting.

Reporters could only hear snippets of the discussion behind the closed locker room doors, but Sanchez’s voice could clearly be heard telling his teammates that “they needed to stay together now more than ever,” and “above all else, we are a family. We win, lose and die together as a family, and there’s nobody else in this world I would rather be with right now than you guys.”

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‘This is what you take seriously?’ wives say in unision throughout Delaware Valley

102713-eagles-fans-6001Philadelphia, PA – Thousands of wives throughout the Delaware Valley shook their heads in disbelief around 5 p.m. Sunday night as their husbands were still depressed an hour after the Eagles lost a heartbreaking game to the Miami Dolphins.

“Oh come on, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s just a game, are you really depressed about this?” the wives said, chuckling to themselves as they got up from the couches to leave their infuriated husbands alone to continue watching television. “You don’t see me getting upset about this stuff.”

Husbands everywhere struggled to contain their emotions, showing more anger and depression than they had in months over anything else.

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‘Flyers need to trade Giroux,’ says drunken fan who has never played hockey

53b4175a3c864.imagePhiladelphia, PA – Disgusted by the 15 minutes he watched of the Flyers 5-2 loss on Thursday night against the Washington Capitals, Kenneth Franklin, 49, dropped a bombshell of an idea on his drinking buddy as the two exited McGlinchey’s Bar after a few beers.

Franklin, who has never played a minute of hockey in his life and watches the game sporadically throughout the season when the 76ers are not on TV, levied an idea that would bring the franchise to its knees with its brazenness.

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76ers Jahlil Okafor verbally commits to Duke

76ers-center-jahlil-okaforPhiladelphia, PA – After the 76ers dropped their eighth game in a row to open the season, the franchise received some good news for one of its athletes.

Jahlil Okafor, currently the only bright spot in an otherwise dim season, told 76ers representatives he had reach a verbal agreement to return to Duke University this season.

“Great for Jahlil. He deserves to play for a winning franchise,” GM Sam Hinkie said. “We couldn’t be happier for him. It’s a great career move for him and will really help him turn into the basketball player he wants to be.”

Okafor said he couldn’t wait for the NCAA season to begin.

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Public opinion overwhelmingly in favor of Greg Hardy now after he changed his Twitter bio
greg hardy

Poor guy.

Dallas, Texas – Greg Hardy, Dallas Cowboys defensive end who has been the focal point of public scrutiny this season after his role in an abusive relationship with his ex-girlfriend Nicole Holder, poured out his heart and soul into a new Twitter bio this morning, showing the world that he himself was the victim in the whole scenario.

Hardy’s Twitter bio now reads this:

“Innocent until proven guilty-lack of knowledge & information is just ignorance-the unjust/prejudicial treatment of diff categories of people is discrimination.”

Millions of tweets, phone calls, and emails have since been sent to Hardy, expressing notes of condolences and regret at the way he has been treated in this whole scenario.

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Is Glen Macnow a cranky old man? We look into it…
Look at that punim!

Look at that punim!

I’m at an all day conference and I have a 30 minute break. Instead of chit chatting with potential sources who could give my career a real boost, I’ve decided to write something for my blog that makes me no money.

Five minutes ago I took to Twitter and said I would write ANY article suggested to me by a reader.

Dedicated reader KaboomKid7 came out of nowhere (a la Mankind from under the ring to drag the Undertaker down to hell) and Tweeted this story suggestion to me.

https://twitter.com/Kaboomkid7/status/664201429662482432

I said anything, and he was the first person to respond, so lets look into this question and determine, once and for all, if Glen Macnow is a cranky old man.

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After Twitter rant, 76ers create “Howard Eskin safe zone” around Wells Fargo Center
Public enemy #1 at the Wells Fargo Center.

Public enemy #1 at the Wells Fargo Center.

Philadelphia, PA – Scott O’Neil, Chief Executive Officer of the Philadelphia 76ers, said the team has been forced to create a “Howard Eskin free zone” around the Wells Fargo Center following the media personality’s rant on Twitter about the state of the franchise.

The 76ers perhaps took a page out of the University of Missouri’s playbook, where representatives ironically created a media-free “safe space” for student protesters, despite it being located in a public area.

“We need to be able to do our jobs without the distraction of Howard Eskin. Did you see how many tweets he levied my way this afternoon? I don’t know what to do,” a visibly shaken O’Neil said.

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