Duke University

76ers Jahlil Okafor verbally commits to Duke

76ers-center-jahlil-okaforPhiladelphia, PA – After the 76ers dropped their eighth game in a row to open the season, the franchise received┬ásome good news for one of its athletes.

Jahlil Okafor, currently the only bright spot in an otherwise dim season, told 76ers representatives he had reach a verbal agreement to return to Duke University this season.

“Great for Jahlil. He deserves to play for a winning franchise,” GM Sam Hinkie said. “We couldn’t be happier for him. It’s a great career move for him and will really help him turn into the basketball player he wants to be.”

Okafor said he couldn’t wait for the NCAA season to begin.

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Newest 76er Jahlil Okafor trashes greenroom after draft interview

OkaforBrooklyn, NY – Smiling for the cameras and an interview with ESPN, newest 76er Jahlil Okafor vehemently denied reports his agent asked Philadelphia to not draft the Duke center, as he did not want to be part of a rebuilding process with the organization.

“No, no that’s absolutely false. I am thrilled to be with the Philadelphia 76ers and I cannot wait to begin my career with such a storied franchise. I am beyond happy to get on the court next year and help this team become the best it can be. Will you excuse me for just a minute?” Okafor said, abruptly ending his draft interview with an ESPN draft reporter.

The smiling Okafor calmly walked into a greenroom and closed the door, after which several observers said they heard loud crashes and a number of highly offensive expletives coming from the staging area.

“Whyyyyy, whyyyyyyyy, WHYYYYYYYYYYY! FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!” Okafor was heard screaming from the room.

After several minutes of yelling, smashing, and what sounded like quiet sobbing, the still smiling Okafor exited the greenroom and said he just needed a few minutes to reflect on the momentous night.

Everyone hates Grayson Allen now…but guess what?

Kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss!

Kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss!

We’re not above the hate. Go fuck yourself Grayson Allen

It seems like Grayson Allen is the poster boy for the Duke championship last night and it has people in a furor throughout this country. Posts, tweets, articles are being written about the freshman who willed the Blue Devils to victory.

Every big basket out of nowhere, followed by his tinny scream and flex celebration made us at the Coggin want to put our fists through our televisions in our tin shacks. What a little smug piece of shit. God, of COURSE Coach K brought him in and we’ll have to watch him scream and smack the court for the next three seasons.

Now, at the Coggin we never wish ill will on a player, but I’ve never hoped for someone to lose his stroke more than I have with Grayson Allen. No physical harm, mind you, but perhaps he becomes a mental case like Chuck Knoblauch in the early 2000s when he couldn’t throw to first base and it ruined his career.

Can you imagine? Perhaps he has a day on the court where he notices he keeps hitting the top of the backboard. No matter what he does, he just can’t make a show. Hours of practice, one-on-one instruction with Coach K, intensive sports psychiatry, it just wouldn’t work.

It puts a smile on your face, the thought of it.

Get a better haircut as well, you Alfalfa looking piece of garbage.