Maikel Franco, in happier times.
Philadelphia, PA – Maikel Franco of the Philadelphia Phillies has been downgraded to questionable for tonight’s game against the Cincinnati Reds because the young third baseman cannot be coaxed out from his bedroom after staying up all night watching the Friday the 13th series.
Franco was missing for his schedule morning batting cage session and would not return phone calls from manager Pete Mackanin or teammates. When several team representative showed up to his apartment, he had reportedly barricaded the door to his luxury apartment and would not answer the door for the rest of the day because “Jason was out there.”
Philadelphia, PA – Chairman of Basketball Operations for the Philadelphia 76ers Jerry Colangelo told reporters this morning he would not be in attendance at the upcoming draft lottery if it “went to all hours of the night.”
Lenny Dykstra, famed member of the 1993 Philadelphia Phillies that stole the heart of the city on their fabled run to the Word Series, joined Twitter yesterday in what was certainly the classiest course of action he’s taken in years.
Philadelphia, PA – Day two of Sam Bradford returning to practice with the Philadelphia Eagles resulted in much of the same as day one, with the temperamental quarterback openly pouting in the locker room and loudly having cell phone conversations with his “besties” well within earshot of his teammates.
Philadelphia, PA – Optimism ran high at the Eagles voluntary workouts Monday morning, as franchise quarterback Sam Bradford returned to the facility to practice with his teammates after missing a week of workouts when he demanded to be traded.
Happy Valley, PA – Following a breaking news report that claimed deceased longtime Penn State Head football coach Joe Paterno had been informed in 1976 of inappropriate sexual misconduct between Jerry Sandusky and a young boy, two sculptors who created two replica Paterno statues held an emergency brain storming session to determine which celebrity Paterno resembled most closely.
Philadelphia, PA – Noting that he had nothing to do today and it being Cinco De Mayo, Sam Bradford reportedly imbibed a half bottle of Zima he found in the back of his pantry and “got a little wild” on the Americanized holiday.
Not really sure why this bothers me as much as it does, but whoever run the Phillies twitter account is just awful at social media. Just nine tweets sent out during the course of a nine inning, three hour game.
Yes it’s me, Barbaro, coming to you from the great stable in the sky. I didn’t want to take time out of my eternal schedule of eating oats, grazing on a never ending plain of Kentucky Bluegrass, and letting flies walk over my huge eyeballs without nary a care, but I need to get something off of my horse chest.
Philadelphia, PA – The two autograph seekers who booed Carson Wentz after the draftee denied them an autograph as he was being hustled through the Philadelphia Airport criticized Wentz for his “lack of class” and “immaturity” that the two middle-aged men clearly possess.
The Coggin Toboggan 