Philadelphia, PA – Chairman of Basketball Operations for the Philadelphia 76ers Jerry Colangelo told reporters this morning he would not be in attendance at the upcoming draft lottery if it “went to all hours of the night.”
The lottery selection is slated for Tuesday, May 17 at 8:45 p.m. eastern time.
Colangelo expressed his displeasure that the lottery selection event would begin at “such an ungodly hour” and he has usually adorned his night robe and night cap by that time each night.
“Who stays up that late? No sensible man does, I can tell you that. Did I ever tell you the story about the time I woke up at 5 a.m. when I was a teenager and found a buffalo head nickel on the sidewalk before my newspaper route? That was a day I’ll never forget,” Colangelo said, briefly pausing for five minutes to recall what year this momentous event occurred.
“It was…1946…no, 1947. Actually it was 1946. Do you think I would have found that nickel if I had gone to bed at 8:45 p.m. the night before? No sirree. Remember it fondly as my wet nurse the night before had absentmindedly left her blouse open long enough for young Jerry to sneak a peak. What a night that was.”
Colangelo then shared every aspect of his nightly bedtime ritual down to the most labored of details to a number of beleaguered, frustrated reporters who were just looking for a quote about who the 76ers might consider selecting in the draft.
“Warm milk…stay away from it gentlemen. It upsets the humors before bed. Try a Balsam’s Specific or some Tranckler’s Powder. That will set you straight. What was I talking about again? Oh yes, a ruben is a delightful sandwich for lunch. I suggest you all try it. Don’t be stingy with the horseradish. Now, I’d like to tell you all about the time myself, Tiny Archibald, and James Naismith decided on a lark to head down to the local apothecary….” Colangelo said, rambling on and on about god knows what.
At press time, Colangelo said if he didn’t make it up for the draft he would read all about the results in the next day’s Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.