Philadelphia, PA – Noting that he had nothing to do today and it being Cinco De Mayo, Sam Bradford reportedly imbibed a half bottle of Zima he found in the back of his pantry and “got a little wild” on the Americanized holiday.
The Eagles quarterback, who is not participating in voluntary workouts, was puttering around his Haddonfield home Thursday morning when he came upon the bottle of Zima as he was cleaning out his pantry.
Bradford studied the bottle and smiled as he settled on a decision.
“What the hey. Would a stuffy, babyish person do this on Cinco De Mayo at 10 a.m.? I think not! Excelsior!” Bradford said in his empty home, taking a large swig of the fermented sweet liquor and immediately sputtering the contents down his shirt.
“Wowsers, that is strong. Oh my, that is going straight to my head.”
Bradford was then forced to sit down, holding his spinning head in both hands, giggling softly to himself.
After three more sips, Bradford had consumed half the contents of the decade old bottle and was living large. Hearing a song on the radio that he enjoyed, Bradford reportedly grabbed a broom from his closet and air-guitared along with the notes throughout his kitchen.
Prior to laying down for a four hour nap to “sleep it off,” Bradford grabbed his Junebug mobile phone and sent several inflammatory texts to new draftee Carson Wentz.
“Just want to say good luck this season. It will be a good competition, but I think I’m going to start. Either way, I respect you as a person and a football player, you’ll have a great career,” Bradford texted, snickering at how much of a bitch he could be.
At press time, Bradford woke up hours later with the worst hangover of his life and a return message from Wentz asking him to never text him again.