Cinco De Mayo

The Coggin Toboggan 420 office party devolved into crystal meth usage so quickly


As the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, I know my employees deserve a break every now and again. Hell, when I started the Coggin Toboggan three years ago, we were all about fun! Now, it seems as if our bottom line is nothing more than the dollars we put in our coffers at the end of each fiscal year. We sometimes forget that the real lifeblood of this company is our employees, so I thought today would be a perfect day to celebrate their hard work and let them know they’re appreciated.

I’m hip, I’m with it. It’s 420, right? When employees got here this morning the crunchy grooves of the Grateful Dead and Phish were flowing through the company PA speakers, freshly rolled joints were scattered in bowls throughout the break rooms, and the vibe was just chill.

Well you know what, gang? Never again.


Sam Bradford celebrates Cinco De Mayo with half a Zima, drunk texts Carson Wentz

Sam BPhiladelphia, PA – Noting that he had nothing to do today and it being Cinco De Mayo, Sam Bradford reportedly imbibed a half bottle of Zima he found in the back of his pantry and “got a little wild” on the Americanized holiday.

The Eagles quarterback, who is not participating in voluntary workouts, was puttering around his Haddonfield home Thursday morning when he came upon the bottle of Zima as he was cleaning out his pantry.


Editor’s Note: Coggin Toboggan Cinco de Mayo office party an unmitigated disaster

(Please listen to the above while reading this article. It will put you in the correct mindset and help you understand exactly what went on in the offices today)

Cinco de Mayo office parties at the Coggin Toboggan are banned forever. It’s not even 1 p.m. and the local police department has already been to the office three times…the last time they brought a wagon and packed in about 15 writers and four editors, vowing to prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law.