As the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, I know my employees deserve a break every now and again. Hell, when I started the Coggin Toboggan three years ago, we were all about fun! Now, it seems as if our bottom line is nothing more than the dollars we put in our coffers at the end of each fiscal year. We sometimes forget that the real lifeblood of this company is our employees, so I thought today would be a perfect day to celebrate their hard work and let them know they’re appreciated.

I’m hip, I’m with it. It’s 420, right? When employees got here this morning the crunchy grooves of the Grateful Dead and Phish were flowing through the company PA speakers, freshly rolled joints were scattered in bowls throughout the break rooms, and the vibe was just chill.

Well you know what, gang? Never again.

Everything started off well enough. People were enjoying their marijuana, someone had busted out the Funyons, everyone was laughing….it was a complete success.

But after about half an hour, I smelled a familiar scent that I hadn’t experienced since my days out on the street. The familiar odor of ammonia and ether was wafting through the hallways of our office and I was able to pinpoint it right away.

Crystal Meth. God damnit, people. We hadn’t even made it 30 minutes in and the crank was already flowing. Employees were already tweaking hard in their cubicles and several had already crashed out on filthy mattresses set up in the break room. How did they get there so quickly?

You know what? I blame Jannie from Editing. She had just finished up a two year bid after her drug bust at the Toboggan Cinco de Mayo fiasco from two years ago, we welcomed her back with open arms, and she brings crystal into the 420 equation? Damnit Jannie, you are the worst.

As always, a few rotten crystal meth smoking apples ruin the bunch. When will we learn that these rascals can’t be trusted?