Marcus Smith thrilled to get chance to underwhelm fans, coaches at training camp
The soon to be unemployed Marcus Smith.

The soon to be unemployed Marcus Smith.

Philadelphia, PA – Following the news that OLB Travis Long had torn his ACL for the second time in three seasons, second year OLB Marcus Smith knew this would open doors for him in training camp.

You never want to hope for the injury of another teammate, but the opportunity is not lost on Smith.

“I can’t wait to get out on the field and show the coaches what I did over the off season,” Smith told reporters Thursday morning. “I don’t want to go too much into my training regiment, but let’s just say I got up to 20 pushups and over 50 jumping jacks at my absolute peak. Do you think anyone else here can do this?”

(more…)

Remembering Rowdy Roddy Piper

Piper_3Truth be told I missed the peak of Piper’s career. i was too young to understand the greatness of his matches, his hilarious promos and his biting sarcasm during the 80s, and by the time I was older and into the Attitude era of WWF, he was wasting away his time having horrible matches in WCW.

But good lord was I blown away after watching “They Live” on basic cable one night. I was obsessed, devouring the movie and reading trivia about one of the greatest sci-fi movies ever made.

John Carpenter + Roddy Piper + Keith David = A fabulous sci-fi movie.

He and David were an unlikely pair, but they worked well together. Two grizzled actors who looked like they could kick the shit out of anyone.

And they definitely kicked the shit out of each other.

Please, witness the greatest fight scene caught on film.

(more…)

Eagles hope to reach short-term extension with Sam Bradford’s hospice care provider

Sam BPhiladelphia, PA – Eagles front office representatives confirmed Tuesday morning that officials were working closely with Sam Bradford’s agent to agree on a short-term extension with the quarterback’s hospice care provider.

“Based on Bradford’s latest workout and physical examination, we don’t believe we should invest in a long-term extension at this time,” a front office rep said, preferring to remain anonymous.

(more…)

HitchBot is alive and well, thanks to Philadelphia engineers at the Coggin

HitchBOT-Canada-Broken-Smashed-Pictures-Arms-Pulled-Off-Death-Dead-Robot-Kindness-People-Terirble-Break-Philadelphia-USA-595648Oh Hitchbot, you captured our hearts with your charming wit, your warm smile, and your limbs all akimbo as you traveled through Canada and down through America.

But then, this weekend, some horrible Philadelphian decided it would be “funny” and “amusing” to give HItchBot a swift kick in the face and destroy the defenseless tuna can.

It was unconscionable.

But, all is not lost. Engineers and scientists at The Coggin Toboggan knew they had the technology to rebuild him. They had the technology and capability to make him faster and stronger.

Ladies and gentlemen, Hitchbot has been resurrected thanks to the Coggin Toboggan. Here is a video of us deploying him in the streets of South Jersey.

(more…)

Nelson Agholor totally stoked for camp to begin

050515_nelson-agholor_600Philadelphia, PA – Nelson Agholor, Eagles wide receiver draft pick out of USC, expressed his excitement to finally get to camp next week and enjoy a little bit of mother nature.

“I heard they have this awesome rope swing that totally swing you out over a pond and launches you like 100 feet up into the air. I’m definitely going to do that first. And then I’m going to go over to the archery range and check that out. I bet I’ll be super, super good at it. I kick butt with my Nerf set at home,” Agholor said.

(more…)

Phillies trade Cole Hamels, sack of marbles, Petey for prospects
He's free now, free and happy.

He’s free now, free and happy.

Cole Hamels was traded last night to the Texas Rangers in a move many experts are saying the Phillies gave up too much in order to bring back two talent-laden prospects.

However, while the negotiating details of the trades are kept quiet, The Coggin Toboggan has gained insider information as to HOW Andy MacPhail found out about the trade from Ruben Amaro, Jr.

It’s a fascinating insider look at how these trades are completed and what goes into making them. Did the Phillies get enough back? Was MacPhail happy with what Ruben completed?

Lets watch, shall we?

(more…)

A city mourns as beloved Phillie Jonathan Papelbon is traded
EDS NOTE: LEWD GESTURE - Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Jonathan Papelbon gestures to the crowd after giving up four runs to the Miami Marlins during the ninth inning of a baseball game Sunday, Sept. 14, 2014, in Philadelphia. Papelbon was ejected from the game. The Marlines won 5-4. (AP Photo/H. Rumph Jr)

The dedicated and classy Jonathan Papelbon has been traded.

Philadelphia, PA – What will undoubtedly be remembered as one of the darkest days in Philadelphia Phillies history, franchise saves leader Jonathan Papelbon was traded yesterday to the Washington Nationals for a minor league pitcher.

Ruben Amaro, Jr. had to hold back tears at a press conference when he made the announcement to the assembled media.

“It’s…it’s tough sometimes. You try not to take things personally, but this is not easy. Jonathan Papelbon, or Paps as he liked to be called, has been traded to the Nationals,” he said. “It hurts. It really does.”

Amaro then broke down in tears as he was consoled by franchise executive Andy Macphail.

(more…)

Philadelphia readies itself for “Class-5 Burrell” set to devastate city Friday evening
pat_burrell

The GOAT.

Philadelphia, PA – City residents, bars, girlfriends and wives are preparing themselves for this week’s estimated “Class-5 Burrell” set to slam into Philadelphia sometime Friday evening.

Experts are predicting this year’s devastation could be the worse yet, far worse than the “Class-4 Burrell” the city experienced in October of 2008.

“The last time Pat Burrell blew into this city it took Philadelphia months to recover,” said Glenn “Hurricane” Schwartz. “So much destruction. We never thought we would get back on track, but we managed to survive. Unfortunately, from our early estimations this year’s Burrell could be bigger, more destructive, and far more drunk than the Burrell we remember riding on top of the horse drawn beer cart at the 2008 World Series championship parade.”

(more…)

Tom McCarthy gets in one last advertisement during final out of Hamels no-hit game
Safe and secure, safe and secure!

Safe and secure, safe and secure!

Chicago – As Cole Hamels watched a rocketed fly ball travel out to centerfield, his hopes of a no-hitter hanging in the balance, Phillies announcer Tom McCarthy knew he had a job to do and knew he had to do it well, as this would be a moment for every Phillies fan to remember.

As Odubel Herrera circled back and made a sprawling catch to seal the historic moment for Hamels, TMac, as he is affectionately known by fans, knew the moment was a big one.

“I thought to myself, how can I make this a moment for fans to remember? This is a goal Cole has been trying to reach for his entire career, and I knew I had to make it special,” McCarthy said after the game. “But then I remembered we hadn’t reached our quota of New York Life commercials, so I knew what I had to do.”

(more…)