The never ending saga of Terrell Owens

The year is 2035. A picture of the unopened box containing Terrell Owens’ NFL Hall of Fame gold jacket has just received its 500,000th retweet. Owens has exercised his 10-day clause with the Toronto Argonauts. Zombies now have Senate majority. 

Terrell Owens hasn’t played in the NFL since 2010. He’s been out of Philadelphia for 13 years. One of the top three wide receivers to ever play in the NFL was just elected to the Hall of Fame, and yet we’re all greeted with this news yesterday.

(How many idiots saw this news and called into the Fanatic or WIP yesterday and said the Eagles should give him a shot?)

Oh my GOD. Enough. Enough Terrell, you’re killing us. In the words of Jud Crandall from Pet Semetary, “Sometimes, dead is better.”

It’s time to stay buried, T.O. Go to your ceremony this week, get your jacket, don’t say a word at the podium, and live the rest of your life. Pretty please with popcorn on top.


HitchBot is alive and well, thanks to Philadelphia engineers at the Coggin

HitchBOT-Canada-Broken-Smashed-Pictures-Arms-Pulled-Off-Death-Dead-Robot-Kindness-People-Terirble-Break-Philadelphia-USA-595648Oh Hitchbot, you captured our hearts with your charming wit, your warm smile, and your limbs all akimbo as you traveled through Canada and down through America.

But then, this weekend, some horrible Philadelphian decided it would be “funny” and “amusing” to give HItchBot a swift kick in the face and destroy the defenseless tuna can.

It was unconscionable.

But, all is not lost. Engineers and scientists at The Coggin Toboggan knew they had the technology to rebuild him. They had the technology and capability to make him faster and stronger.

Ladies and gentlemen, Hitchbot has been resurrected thanks to the Coggin Toboggan. Here is a video of us deploying him in the streets of South Jersey.