The year is 2035. A picture of the unopened box containing Terrell Owens’ NFL Hall of Fame gold jacket has just received its 500,000th retweet. Owens has exercised his 10-day clause with the Toronto Argonauts. Zombies now have Senate majority.
Terrell Owens hasn’t played in the NFL since 2010. He’s been out of Philadelphia for 13 years. One of the top three wide receivers to ever play in the NFL was just elected to the Hall of Fame, and yet we’re all greeted with this news yesterday.
(How many idiots saw this news and called into the Fanatic or WIP yesterday and said the Eagles should give him a shot?)
Oh my GOD. Enough. Enough Terrell, you’re killing us. In the words of Jud Crandall from Pet Semetary, “Sometimes, dead is better.”
It’s time to stay buried, T.O. Go to your ceremony this week, get your jacket, don’t say a word at the podium, and live the rest of your life. Pretty please with popcorn on top.
The Eagles are not going to make a trade for Alshon Jeffery or Brandon Marshall. Let’s get that out of the way right now. It’s not going to happen.
The Coggin Toboggan 