The Eagles are not going to make a trade for Alshon Jeffery or Brandon Marshall. Let’s get that out of the way right now. It’s not going to happen.

Torrey Smith might be a more apt target for Howie to acquire, but is he going to propel Philadelphia to the Super Bowl? I doubt it.

So what’s left? Oh lovely, Terrell Owens, 63 -years-old, just said he’s available and willing to come out of retirement and play for the Eagles. He most likely made this statement between his live in assistant feeding him bites of apple mush and aquacize class at the YMCA.

If Owens did come out of retirement he’d probably have to take 12 Advils to get his wide receiver gloves over his arthritic hands.

His grandchildren and great grandchildren would be so scared for their paw paw and his well being. Just stay retired, T.O., you’re garbage.

Sadly, Twitter exploded yesterday when Owens said he was available. Oh my GOD, Philadelphia, get over your love for T.O. He completely tanked the 2005 season, just a year after the Eagles went to the Super Bowl and they still had a decent chance to make some noise in the horrendous NFC.

There’s a reason every franchise HATED him after he left. How you can such a low level of self-awareness is beyond me.

I’m still bitter over 2005. I was firmly team McNabb in that whole quagmire. It says a lot about you as a person if you took T.O.’s side during that whole debacle. Nothing better than ruining a season for your teammates, the fans, and an organization just a year after you went to the Super Bowl because you didn’t think you were being paid enough.

Go screw.

T.O., please go lie down in your hyperbaric chamber, think of all the good times that you alienated yourself from your teammates and fanbases, and go to your grave knowing that you could have been so much more.

Also, get over him Philly.