The year is 2035. A picture of the unopened box containing Terrell Owens’ NFL Hall of Fame gold jacket has just received its 500,000th retweet. Owens has exercised his 10-day clause with the Toronto Argonauts. Zombies now have Senate majority.
Terrell Owens hasn’t played in the NFL since 2010. He’s been out of Philadelphia for 13 years. One of the top three wide receivers to ever play in the NFL was just elected to the Hall of Fame, and yet we’re all greeted with this news yesterday.
(How many idiots saw this news and called into the Fanatic or WIP yesterday and said the Eagles should give him a shot?)
Oh my GOD. Enough. Enough Terrell, you’re killing us. In the words of Jud Crandall from Pet Semetary, “Sometimes, dead is better.”
It’s time to stay buried, T.O. Go to your ceremony this week, get your jacket, don’t say a word at the podium, and live the rest of your life. Pretty please with popcorn on top.
Marvin Harrison had some harsh words for Philadelphia and its fans.
Canton, Ohio – Oh boy Philadelphia, if you haven’t heard wide receiver Marvin Harrison’s Hall of Fame Speech this weekend you may just want to skip this article altogether.
The newly minted NFL Hall of Fame wide receiver took a shot at his hometown fans in his induction speech, criticizing their legendarily harsh attitude to Philadelphia athletes.
“I’m from Philadelphia, the home of the Eagles,” Harrison said. “If you get the coin toss wrong in Philadelphia, they want to trade you the first thing on Monday morning, so I wasn’t used to that in Indianapolis.”
Philadelphia, PA – Mindlessly flipping through stations last evening, Tim Brackens, 33, became inordinately excited when he stumbled upon the NFL Hall of Fame game between the Steelers and Vikings at 8:23 p.m.
Brackens experienced more joy in the first 10 seconds he watched of the first preseason game, which featured exactly zero predicted first week starters for either team, than the entire summer of Philadelphia sports put together.
“Holy shit, football! Preseason started tonight, fuck yes!” Brackens said, sitting up quickly on his couch.