Andy MacPhail

Phillies already taking public steps to lessen blow of hugely disappointing offseason

We’ve gone from the promise of being “a little bit stupid” in the offseason to the very public warning by Phillies president of baseball operations Andy MacPhail that landing either Bryce Harper or Manny Machado is not the end all be all for the future success of the franchise.

What a load of steaming horse shit.

And here we are, folks. For years Phillies fans have looked at 2019 as the year. Sure, we may suck now, Citizen’s Bank Park may be less than half full for 80% of all home games and we still have to watch Maikel Franco on a nightly basis, but 2019 is going to be different. Harper and Machado are ripe for the taking. The Phillies have little to no payroll, they’ve got a ton of money in their coffers, and John Middleton and Andy MacPhail are sick and tired of the losing.

Back up the Brinks truck, because we’ve got money to burn and forget about getting just ONE of those guys, hey, we may be “a little bit stupid” and sign both. Why not? IT’S THE NEW NORMAL, FOLKS, AND WE WILL NOT BE OUTBID.

Except it seems like the rest of baseball didn’t get the memo, and now the Phillies are scrambling to create the narrative that success is not dependent on signing EITHER Harper or Machado. As reported by Todd Zelecki at, MacPhail certainly sounds like he’s taking proactive steps to convince fans that the franchise really didn’t need Harper or Machado in the first place.


Gregg Murphy ordered into carbonite storage for the offseason

A successful process.

A successful process.

Philadelphia, PA – Andy Macphail, leader of baseball operations for the Phillies, ordered Gregg Murphy to undergo a very dangerous carbonite freezing process earlier today. If successful, Murphy will spend the rest of the offseason encased in carbonite, waiting for the start of next year in suspended animation.

The newest Phillies executive ordered the carbonite freeze of Murphy as a test-trial for the rest of the broadcast team. He assured the bounty hunter that brought in the member of the Phillies announcing team he would be entirely compensated by the organization if Murphy did not survive the freezing process.

“You may take Murphy to the storage unit. He will be most safe, I assure you,” Macphail told the rest of the horrified broadcasters who watched their comrade slowly be dipped into the chamber.


BREAKING: Ruben Amaro Jr. causes massive security incident after being fired


Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.

Philadelphia, PA – A number of police officers swarmed to Citizens Bank Park earlier this afternoon when front office officials called the authorities after former GM Ruben Amaro Jr. locked himself in his office and was actively trying to trade away several pieces of the roster before leaving the premises.

Phillies Executive Andy Macphail met with the media as police officers dragged the kicking and screaming Amaro Jr. from his office before forcibly ejected him from Citizens Bank Park. Several members of the Philadelphia Fire Department had been summoned to the stadium and had to chop down Amaro Jr.’s door to allow police officers entrance.


Phillies trade Cole Hamels, sack of marbles, Petey for prospects

He's free now, free and happy.

He’s free now, free and happy.

Cole Hamels was traded last night to the Texas Rangers in a move many experts are saying the Phillies gave up too much in order to bring back two talent-laden prospects.

However, while the negotiating details of the trades are kept quiet, The Coggin Toboggan has gained insider information as to HOW Andy MacPhail found out about the trade from Ruben Amaro, Jr.

It’s a fascinating insider look at how these trades are completed and what goes into making them. Did the Phillies get enough back? Was MacPhail happy with what Ruben completed?

Lets watch, shall we?