Pat Gillick

Ruben Amaro Jr. beginning to think Phillies may not bring him back next season

072113-amaro-slideshow-apPhiladelphia, PA – Speaking from his home, ex-Phillies general manager Ruben Amaro Jr. told reporters he was beginning to think the Phillies may not bring him back as the general manager for next season.

“I don’t want to look to into this, but after they let me go from my contract and told me they would not extend me next year, this really leads me to think I may not be back with the organization in 2016,” he said.

Amaro Jr. said he was nervous that nobody in the Phillies front office had been taking his calls since August and his official team email address had been deleted.


BREAKING: Ruben Amaro Jr. causes massive security incident after being fired


Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.

Philadelphia, PA – A number of police officers swarmed to Citizens Bank Park earlier this afternoon when front office officials called the authorities after former GM Ruben Amaro Jr. locked himself in his office and was actively trying to trade away several pieces of the roster before leaving the premises.

Phillies Executive Andy Macphail met with the media as police officers dragged the kicking and screaming Amaro Jr. from his office before forcibly ejected him from Citizens Bank Park. Several members of the Philadelphia Fire Department had been summoned to the stadium and had to chop down Amaro Jr.’s door to allow police officers entrance.


Phillies to hand out bats, give bunting lessons to every fan to increase safety

Philadelphia_PhilliesPhiladelphia, PA – Citing a need for more safety at Citizens Bank Park, Phillies representatives announced a plan early this morning to hopefully reduce rates of fans being injured by foul balls struck into the stands.

Current President Pat Gillick said ushers would pass out official major league baseball bats to every single fan in attendance and give detailed, personal bunting instructions to fans before allowing them to take their seats.

“We feel that with increased attention at games and these baseball bats, we’ll see a remarkable decrease in injuries in the stands. With a well placed bunt of a struck ball, we know this will cut down on incidents at the ball park,” Gillick said.


Phillies announce firing of Ruben Amaro Jr., new direction for organization

072113-amaro-slideshow-apPhiladelphia, PA – In a stunning move this morning, acting Phillies President Pat Gillick announced that GM Ruben Amaro Jr. has been let go from his contract. He cited years of down play from the team, questionable free agent signings and one of the worst trade records from any general manager in all of professional baseball.

“We felt this is what was best for the Phillies. For Ruben to take them from where they were in 2009 after I left and to have them be here…my goodness, why were we keeping him on for this long,” Gillick said.