Hogwart’s most famous duo outperforming Sixers’ by Marcus Hayes

Every once in a while The Coggin Toboggan will have an opportunity to see an article from a prominent Philadelphia journalist before it is published. This is one of those times.

A source has emailed us a column written by Marcus Hayes that will appear in a Daily News in the upcoming future. Please enjoy.

Hogwart’s Most Famous Duo Outperforming Sixers’

6a017d3bd5738f970c01bb07aedb7b970d THE QUESTION is answered before it’s fully asked.

“Large butterbeer, two shots of butterscotch.”

Hermoine Granger can order Ron Weasley’s favorite drink at the Three Broomsticks as easily as she can name the crucial components of a perfect polyjuice potion.

“Bingo!” Weasley said.

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Riley Cooper implies Howie Roseman is a racist

102813-howie-roseman-600 After the Philadelphia Eagles made a bevy of moves on Monday afternoon, recently released wide receiver Riley Cooper made some unsubtle comments about Howie Roseman and the players he chose to get rid of this offseason.

“You see how fast he got rid of all the good players. Especially all the good white players. He got rid of them the fastest. That’s the truth. There’s a reason. … It’s hard to explain with him. But there’s a reason he got rid of all the white players — the good ones — like that,” Cooper said from his offseason Florida home.

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BREAKING: DeMarco Murray traded for two players

082215_demarco-murray-600 Philadelphia, PA – Howie Roseman is at it again, as the man apparently in charge of making personnel moves for the Philadelphia Eagles has announced that running back DeMarco Murray will be traded to the Miami Dolphins, not the Tennessee Titans as was once reported, in a move that will net the Eagles two top-tier defensive players.

When the trade is finalized by the league on Wednesday, the Eagles will officially acquire shut down cornerback Byron Maxwell and stud linebacker Kiko Alonso in the blockbuster deal.

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Peyton Manning makes emotional, surprise announcement at his press conference

bio_mini-bios_0_peyton-manning_0_fix_sf_hd_768x432-16x9 Denver, Colo. – Peyton Manning, arguably the one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game, held an emotional press conference today to announce that a new variety of Papa John’s Pizza would be available at locations countrywide.

In front of hundreds of assembled media members, former players, coaches, and front office executive, Manning officially confirmed what many had reported on since early Sunday morning.

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Special Guest Columnist OJ Simpson: I buried knives all the time!

mte5ndg0mdu1mti5ndu4mtkx Hey everyone, it’s your good pal Juice checking in to say hello and address some dirty rumors that are floating around the internet.

Imagine the Juice’s surprise this morning when the Juice got his 15 minutes of internet time and saw TMZ was reporting that a construction worker found a buried, blood splattered knife on my property several years ago.

Now, I want to address this head on. Juice is a good guy! We all know Juice made some mistakes in the past, but this is seriously no big deal! I was so rich and successful I had to bury blood stained knives in my yard all the time. I didn’t have anymore room in my house to hide them, so the yard had to do!

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Report: Claude Giroux really going at that punching bag

God he is PISSED.

Philadelphia, PA – Teammates practicing at the Flyers Skate Zone yesterday were tipped off to Claude Giroux’s snub from Team Canada for the upcoming World Cup of Hockey as they were greeted by the captain “really going to town” on the punching bag set up in the facility’s fitness center.

Several were surprised to see Giroux reportedly “wailing” on the piece of exercise equipment before the scheduled practice.

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Panicked Eagles front office reps can’t stop Sam Bradford from dragging himself to unsigned contract

Sam Bradford file photo.

Philadelphia, PA – Horrified Eagles front office representatives could only look on helplessly as a crippled but determined Sam Bradford dragged himself across the floor of a conference room to his unsigned contract Tuesday afternoon at a signing event that went disturbingly wrong.

According to sources the meeting began well, as Bradford came to the signing with his agent, Tom Condon. Handshakes and pleasantries were exchanged, but young athlete started to act strangely after just five minutes of his arrival.

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Former Eagles QB Bobby Hoying speaks out on re-signing Sam Bradford

Ol’ Bobby Hoying knows how to have a hell of a night out on the town.

Philadelphia, PA – Last seen over a year ago after he welched on a $10,000 bet at the 2015 Wing Bowl, former Eagles quarterback Bobby Hoying made an unscheduled appearance on Philly Sports Talk Live and denounced the possibility of the Eagles re-signing that “pantywaist.”

Hoying barged onto the set during the 5:30 p.m. hour on Monday afternoon, demanding to speak on air about that “big old pussy” Sam Bradford. Hoying made Marcus Hayes give up his seat so he could sit next to host Michael Barkann, forcing him to sit on the floor for the remainder of the 10 minute segment.

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Is it too late to get in on the NFL Combine?

NFL-scouting-combine-01-15-15 I’m 34. I’ve had one knee surgery already. I’m not getting any younger.

So it only makes sense that this is the year I officially declare my eligibility for the NFL Scouting Combine.

Every year it’s the same thing. Late February comes around and my cell phone blows up with calls from NFL front office representatives. They all want to know one thing:

“When are you going to make our dreams come true and decide to play in the NFL? Please let us know so we can send scouts, we beg of you.”

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Where I apply to be the next head coach for the University of Wisconsin

2000px-university_of_wisconsin_waving_w-svg Today, the University of Wisconsin published a job opening on its school website advertising for a new head coach of the university’s men’s basketball team.

Bo Ryan, longtime coach, announced his retirement earlier this season. I’ve had my eye on the job opening for a while now, but the university never made its search official.

Until today.

Now, I’ve always wanted to dabble in coaching a Division I NCAA basketball team. How hard can it be? Organize a few layup drills, see if everyone can make a left-handed layup, teach them my famous crab defense…100% guarantee I can take this program to a minimum of nine Final Fours in the next 10 years.

I play basketball every Thursday night with a number of skilled athletes, many of whom are under the age of 70. Don’t let their age fool you, though, they’re crafty and only one has dropped dead on the court in my entire time playing in the pickup game.

Previously I played ORGANIZED basketball in a highly competitive South Jersey youth league during my younger years. Do you think just anybody can hack it on those mean courts of South Jersey? Some of those hoops didn’t even have NETS on them, can you even picture that?

Here’s the posting.

I think I should go through this and see if I’m qualified for the job. I obviously am, but you don’t go into a job interview with a cocky mindset.

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