Special Guest Columnist OJ Simpson: I buried knives all the time!

mte5ndg0mdu1mti5ndu4mtkxHey everyone, it’s your good pal Juice checking in to say hello and address some dirty rumors that are floating around the internet.

Imagine the Juice’s surprise this morning when the Juice got his 15 minutes of internet time and saw TMZ was reporting that a construction worker found a buried, blood splattered knife on my property several years ago.

Now, I want to address this head on. Juice is a good guy! We all know Juice made some mistakes in the past, but this is seriously no big deal! I was so rich and successful I had to  bury blood stained knives in my yard all the time. I didn’t have anymore room in my house to hide them, so the yard had to do!

You go and snoop around the Juice’s yard and you’ll find several blood stained knives buried all over my yard. But if you snoop around any famous person’s home the Juice guarantees you’ll find murder weapons scattered all over their property.

Sure I had knives all over, but you know what? I don’t have one that brutally murdered Nicole and Ron. I 100% don’t. Juice’s good friend Robert Kardashian got rid of that one a long time ago.

But does that make the Juice a bad guy? Cmon’, I’m the Juice! I was in the Naked Gun, played for the Bills, everyone still loves the Juice.

Sure that knife may have some blood on it….and sure DNA says it may be MINE and Nicole’s and Ron’s, but that doesn’t mean anything in this day and age. I’m fairly sure I don’t remember burying THAT one, and I remember burying so, so many after various misdeeds.

Besides, I do remember seeing Mark Fuhrman skulking around my home one night with a knife and a shovel. Yeah, that’s it, the Juice was set up by the LAPD again!

Come on, I’m the Juice! See y’all next time and I promise I’m still looking for the real killers!

 

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