Miami, FLA – The tortured screams of corner back Byron Maxwell, 28, rang through the Miami Dolphins training center this morning during his required physical to finalize a trade between the Dolphins and Philadelphia Eagles.
Miami Head Athletic trainer Ryan Grove notified the team’s new GM that Maxwell may not be healthy enough to warrant acquiring, as the young athlete could not lift his right arm as high as his shoulder during the physical examination.
Every once in a while The Coggin Toboggan will have an opportunity to see an article from a prominent Philadelphia journalist before it is published. This is one of those times.
A source has emailed us a column written by Marcus Hayes that will appear in a Daily News in the upcoming future. Please enjoy.
THE QUESTION is answered before it’s fully asked.
“Large butterbeer, two shots of butterscotch.”
Hermoine Granger can order Ron Weasley’s favorite drink at the Three Broomsticks as easily as she can name the crucial components of a perfect polyjuice potion.
“Bingo!” Weasley said.
After the Philadelphia Eagles made a bevy of moves on Monday afternoon, recently released wide receiver Riley Cooper made some unsubtle comments about Howie Roseman and the players he chose to get rid of this offseason.
“You see how fast he got rid of all the good players. Especially all the good white players. He got rid of them the fastest. That’s the truth. There’s a reason. … It’s hard to explain with him. But there’s a reason he got rid of all the white players — the good ones — like that,” Cooper said from his offseason Florida home.
Philadelphia, PA – Howie Roseman is at it again, as the man apparently in charge of making personnel moves for the Philadelphia Eagles has announced that running back DeMarco Murray will be traded to the Miami Dolphins, not the Tennessee Titans as was once reported, in a move that will net the Eagles two top-tier defensive players.
When the trade is finalized by the league on Wednesday, the Eagles will officially acquire shut down cornerback Byron Maxwell and stud linebacker Kiko Alonso in the blockbuster deal.
Denver, Colo. – Peyton Manning, arguably the one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game, held an emotional press conference today to announce that a new variety of Papa John’s Pizza would be available at locations countrywide.
In front of hundreds of assembled media members, former players, coaches, and front office executive, Manning officially confirmed what many had reported on since early Sunday morning.
Hey everyone, it’s your good pal Juice checking in to say hello and address some dirty rumors that are floating around the internet.
Imagine the Juice’s surprise this morning when the Juice got his 15 minutes of internet time and saw TMZ was reporting that a construction worker found a buried, blood splattered knife on my property several years ago.
Now, I want to address this head on. Juice is a good guy! We all know Juice made some mistakes in the past, but this is seriously no big deal! I was so rich and successful I had to bury blood stained knives in my yard all the time. I didn’t have anymore room in my house to hide them, so the yard had to do!
God he is PISSED.
Philadelphia, PA – Teammates practicing at the Flyers Skate Zone yesterday were tipped off to Claude Giroux’s snub from Team Canada for the upcoming World Cup of Hockey as they were greeted by the captain “really going to town” on the punching bag set up in the facility’s fitness center.
Several were surprised to see Giroux reportedly “wailing” on the piece of exercise equipment before the scheduled practice.
Sam Bradford file photo.
Philadelphia, PA – Horrified Eagles front office representatives could only look on helplessly as a crippled but determined Sam Bradford dragged himself across the floor of a conference room to his unsigned contract Tuesday afternoon at a signing event that went disturbingly wrong.
According to sources the meeting began well, as Bradford came to the signing with his agent, Tom Condon. Handshakes and pleasantries were exchanged, but young athlete started to act strangely after just five minutes of his arrival.
Ol’ Bobby Hoying knows how to have a hell of a night out on the town.
Philadelphia, PA – Last seen over a year ago after he welched on a $10,000 bet at the 2015 Wing Bowl, former Eagles quarterback Bobby Hoying made an unscheduled appearance on Philly Sports Talk Live and denounced the possibility of the Eagles re-signing that “pantywaist.”
Hoying barged onto the set during the 5:30 p.m. hour on Monday afternoon, demanding to speak on air about that “big old pussy” Sam Bradford. Hoying made Marcus Hayes give up his seat so he could sit next to host Michael Barkann, forcing him to sit on the floor for the remainder of the 10 minute segment.
I’m 34. I’ve had one knee surgery already. I’m not getting any younger.
So it only makes sense that this is the year I officially declare my eligibility for the NFL Scouting Combine.
Every year it’s the same thing. Late February comes around and my cell phone blows up with calls from NFL front office representatives. They all want to know one thing:
“When are you going to make our dreams come true and decide to play in the NFL? Please let us know so we can send scouts, we beg of you.”
