Miami, FLA – The tortured screams of corner back Byron Maxwell, 28, rang through the Miami Dolphins training center this morning during his required physical to finalize a trade between the Dolphins and Philadelphia Eagles.
Miami Head Athletic trainer Ryan Grove notified the team’s new GM that Maxwell may not be healthy enough to warrant acquiring, as the young athlete could not lift his right arm as high as his shoulder during the physical examination.
Maxwell reportedly writhed in pain for 10 minutes on the training facility floor after attempting one push-up at the insistence of several Dolphins’ trainers.
“Pretty sure you need your shoulders to work correctly to play corner back in the NFL,” Grove told new Dolphins GM Chris Grier, who dismissed his concerns with a wave of his hands.
“Nonsense, he just needs the correct motivation. He’ll play next season, and he’ll play well, damnit. We don’t tolerate weakness of any kind in Miami, do you hear me you worthless piece of scum,” he said, looking down on the shivering and profusely sweating Maxwell.
Maxwell reportedly begged for Grier to let him go back to Philadelphia, but his request was denied.
“This is for wasting my valuable time.” Grier said, delivering a well aimed kick to Maxwell’s shoulder, grinning delightfully as he heard the sickening snap of the collarbone as it shattered into pieces.
He took out a silk handkerchief, buffed his black wingtip, and dropped it next to the whimpering Maxwell.
“Keep it to wipe away those tears. I’ll expect it back, cleaned at press, when we have mini-camp in two months. It’s not mandatory, but I expect to see you there, Mr. Maxwell,” he said, before taking out his iPhone and informing Howie Roseman of the Eagles that the deal had been “accepted.”