Philadelphia Eagles

BREAKING: Marcus Hayes responsible for Jeff McLane press box ejection

auinezeiPhiladelphia, PA – Following the ongoing story of Philadelphia Inquirer Eagles beat writer Jeff McLane being kicked out of the Eagles press box this afternoon, new details have come to light that show a Daily News reporter may have been responsible for McLane’s ejection.

Reports have come in to the Toboggan that show Daily News beat writer Marcus Hayes texted the Eagles security line with several complaints about McLane’s behavior, which is highly unusual since the security line is reserved for anonymously reporting bad fan behavior on game day.

An Eagles insider procured the texts that led to McLane’s ejection and have sent them to the Toboggan.

Here are the texts from Hayes to the Eagles security line that led to the ejection:

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Dallas Cowboys sign funeral home owner to active roster for Sunday

romo2212Philadelphia, PA – In light of new developments prior to Sunday’s game, a Dallas Cowboys team representative announced that Larry Donovan, owner and operator of Donovan Family Funeral Home and Cremation services, had been signed to the 53-man active roster.

The move was described as “precautionary” and was in no way due to the announcement that Tony Romo would play several snaps in the second half against the division rival Philadelphia Eagles.

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Who will make our Eagles picks this week?
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Ho ho ho! The Eagles stink and it’s all your fault!

Hey! We actually got ALL of our Eagles picks right last week when we predicted the Eagles would not only lose to the Ravens, but would cover the spread as well. WE’RE ON A ROLL NOW, BUDDY BOY, JUST CALL ME COOL DR. MONEY CAUSE I’M MAKING STACKS UPON STACKS.

Oh, I’m sorry, our guest pickers are on fire (how long do I have to keep up this charade?)

Tonight the Eagles (5-9) will try not to make the bile rise in everyone’s throats throughout the Delaware Valley when they take on the NFC East rival NY Giants (10-4), with the
G-Men -2.5 point favorites.

But wait a second….what’s that I hear? Is that reindeer hooves up on the roof of the Coggin Toboggan offices, or just the thousands upon thousands of rats that call our facilities home?

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see who is making our picks this week….

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Zach Ertz on failed block attempt: ‘Saving my energy to fall down later’

ertzPhiladelphia, PA – One of many embarrassing moments from yesterday’s horrendous Eagles loss is raising the ire of Philadelphia fans on social media.

Tight-end Zach Ertz, who has garnered a reputation this season as being soft, was seen jumping out of the way, instead of trying to block, from a Bengals linebacker who was closing in on a scrambling Carson Wentz.

The play has made the rounds on Twitter, with several fans and pundits calling for Ertz to at least attempt a block instead of jumping in between two pursuing linebackers who were looking to bring down Wentz during the drive.

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Maybe we’ll just start a politics blog instead…
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Our thoughts exactly, Greg.

At this point in the Eagles season I need to take a long, hard look at what I’m doing with my free time. Wasting four hours of my life to watch the Eagles fuck their way through an afternoon shouldn’t be an option anymore. Just imagine what I could have done with those four hours…I could have re-caulked my bathroom appliances, taken a nap, soundproofed my sex dungeon…anything would have been better than watching Nelson Agholor have a stroke on the field in front of a national TV audience.

Maybe we should slowly start transitioning ourselves over to a politics based website?

DID YOU SEE WHAT TRUMP TWEETED? What a prick! Hey, we’re halfway there.

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Who will make our Eagles picks this week?

I…where do I even start? Three straight weeks, hardly any correct picks, it’s been and out and out nightmare. Sure, the Eagles proved us wrong and got a victory against the Falcons, but at what cost? They made us look foolish and I’M NOT IN THE BUSINESS OF BEING MADE THE FOOL.

It doesn’t get much easier this weekend, as the Eagles (5-4) are going west to take on the Seattle Seahawks (6-2) and hopefully not commit suicide like Kurt Cobain after the game. It’s a dreary region, I’m just saying is all. Don’t think it would be a bad idea to take Nigel Bradham’s guns away from him if they lose….

Eagles Win-Loss predictions: 3-6

Eagles spread predictions: 3-6

DARK. Oh well. The Eagles are a 6.5 point underdog, so it’s time to bring out the big guns. So, who exactly will be making our Eagles picks this week?

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Who will make our Eagles picks this week?

I guess being so poor at picking games is softened by this country slowly moving down a conveyor belt hovering over rapidly spinning thresher blades. It’s only a matter of time, people, before we see the four horsemen of the apocalypse riding roughshod through the sky. IT’S THE END OF DAYS, REPENT, REPENT FOR ALL YOUR WORTH YOU NONBELIEVERS.

But hey, Eagles this weekend! Eagles! 4-4 and teetering on the edge of the volcano with the high-powered Falcons offense coming to town. What’s a conservative estimate for Julio Jones’s performance this Sunday? 180 yards and 2 touchdowns? I’ll consider it a victory for the Eagles horrendous secondary if he stays under 200 yards receiving.

Anyways, somehow this game is a pick-em. I figure we’d reach out to someone who is on Cloud 9 after Donald’s big victory this week to give us his prediction for the Eagles game at 1 p.m. on Sunday.

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Who will make our Eagles picks this week?

Barfffffffff. Well, at least our guest picker got ONE prediction right last week, as Tony Romo correctly predicted the Cowboys would beat the Eagles, but the Eagles would not cover the spread.

You know Dak Prescott would have predicted the Cowboys would have beaten the Eagles AND covered the spread. What? I’m just saying is all, not trying to create any undue controversy with the Cowboys.

This week, the Eagles (+2.5) are going up the Turnpike to take on the hated New York Giants and their cast of unlikable wide receivers. You’d better believe Mike Missanelli has his Twitter account primed and ready to fire off any number of offensive tweets when Victor Cruz suffers another season ending injury.  I’m sure he’ll try to interject some crude racial humor in a “jokey tweet” and then blame it on being Italian.

“Ehhhhhh come on now! Dats just like a my momma used to tweet, I know-a-no better den that! Mama Mia, I am in some a trouble.”

Can’t wait.

Win/loss prediction results: 3-4

Against the spread: 3-4

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Wade Phillips handles pressure better than Nelson Agholor
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Cool hat, bro.

Nelson Agholor is dangerously close to wearing his welcome out in Philadelphia. Another week, another series of soul-crushing drops from the city’s most despised wide receiver.

You know what? Nelson doesn’t let it bother him. Nah, why would he? He just brushes off the drops, goes on to run his next route (and probably drop that pass as well), and (most likely) hits up a strip club after the game despite warnings from teammates and franchise officials.

But how DARE anyone ask Nelly about the drops after the game. He doesn’t cotton to that nonsense. Nelly pretty much punched his ticket out of town after the year ends by criticizing a reporter for asking him to address his case of dropsies that has plagued him all year.

Compare Nelly’s reaction to pressure to that of Wade Phillips, 69-year-old defensive coordinator of the Denver Broncos who absolutely got TRUCKED on the sideline of yesterday’s game against the Chargers, who took his lumps with aplomb and good grace.

Let’s compare the results of both Agholor and Phillip’s horrendous days at the office and how they affected the fanbases and teams.

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Who will make our Eagles picks for this week?

Wow…this is why I never bet on football games. The gravy train with biscuit wheels is officially off the tracks. Oh my god we SUCK at making picks for these Eagles games. After a hot start we’ve gotten all four predictions wrong in the past two weeks.

Oh wait, I mean, our guest pickers are terrible at making predictions because these are REAL guests making REAL picks for us.

We are awful.

So this week the Eagles (+4.5) take on the hated Cowboys in a clash of the top two NFC East teams. Dak Prescott welcomes Philadelphia to Arlington and Skip Bayless is already creaming in his jeans to see his crush take on Carson Wentz and the Eagles.

Just admit you want to tenderly kiss Prescott’s neck, Skip, and your life will be so much happier.

Win/loss prediction results: 2-4

Against the spread: 3-3

But who will make our picks this week…it’s Tony Romo! Tony, welcome to the Coggin.

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